Journal

I feel guilty I haven't been on here much.

October has been a busy month for me.  I had to add community service to my already overwhelmed schedule as I cannot afford to pay my No Left Turn ticket.

I have been working at Good Will -- 29 hours.  They need to be completed by next Monday(!!!) November 2nd.

Slept today until 3:45 ... so tired am I.

I get worn out from working -- and doctor says I am not to work.  But what are you gonna do?  I have to have something to live on.

I need to call the traffic court and see if my traffic school deadline can be extended.  It is an actual hardship on me to try and afford the traffic school fee AND the expense of traffic school itself.

 I also am having trouble getting a hold of my Binder and Binder atty.

It is these worries that cause great anxiety and keep me in bed.

I have 9 more hours left on my community service.  Need to do 3 tomorrow, 3 Thursday and 3 Friday.  I work both Thursday and Friday nights so hopefully it won't be too much for me.  And THEN all day Saturday (Halloween!!) and all day Sunday.

This past Sunday I was 20 minutes late.  Worked 20 minutes longer to make it all balance out but am fearful being late on Sunday may become more frequent.

Prolly not after my community service is over ... then I will be able to rest up.

I work Halloween (my FAVORITE holiday) from noon to 9pm.  May need to find a party I can go to.  Haven't heard much of anything going around but I will find something.

Doubt I will go though .... stick in the mud!!!

I will probably go to the gym instead.  Which means I will probably not dress up for Halloween at work.  Unless I find something really really cool (and cheap!) at the Good Will.

Money, as always, seems to be an issue.

I really need a lot of help when I try to work on money in a positive light and attract more.

I haven't been on here is so long ... !

It feels really weird to be writing a journal entry.  Even weirder to not get many hugs as I haven't been giving many out due to my absense.

Well, my big beautiful tuxedo, Armani, got really sick about two weeks ago.  He stopped eating, kept throwing up and started living in my bathtub (I guess his version of hiding).  I took him to the vet (with great trouble getting him in his carrier) and they took some blood.

They called me back the very next day -- which means trouble.

They said that he had severe liver and/or gall bladder disease and it was not a matter of weeks he had left but a matter of days.

At this point, I was told,  all we can do is make him comfortable.

I set up little kitty beds all over my bathroom.  I slept on my bathroom floor.  I gave him kitty morphine.

I then force-fed him and gave him antibiotics.

It seemed to be doing the trick but he still is not eating.

Two days after administering the bad news to me the vet called.

One of the things she wanted to try, she said, but she knew was too expensive for me was a VERY expensive med, Ursodiol.  It just so happens that someone (who's dog was having trouble with the med and kept throwing up) DONATED the rest of their pills to Dr. Shane's.

I was going to get the medicine FOR FREE!!

I drove those 20 miles as fast as I could (only taking 50 minutes in "light" LA traffic).

Have been giving him the med -- along with everything else -- since last Thursday and he seems to really be regaining his strength.

Still, he is not eating on his own so we are not out of danger yet.

But it is all I am doing between work and sleep -- force-feeding a 22 pound cat who does NOT want to be force-fed and spending quality time petting and loving him.  He is such a good boy.

So far ... things are looking good.

Well, I haven't had any extra money in SO LONG ... so I burned through a little of it.

 Bought a cute black wallet with a rhinestone-studded crown in in (Princess!) and a book of word puzzles from Starbucks.  The word puzzles are great and make work go much more quickly, however, I have noticed that multi-tasking (doing the puzzles while I try to keep an eye on the people who might need assistance) wears me out.  I like to concentrate on one thing and one thing only.

As hard as just standing there and watching the people go by for hours on end without having anything else to occupy my mind actually makes me feel better than having my head down in some puzzle book.

It was like working in an office but playing on icanhascheezburger.com all day.  There is that weird separated energy going from concentrating on one task and being yanked away to another.

I bought myself many iced lattes ... many chocolate cookies ... many brownies ... a huge butter and salt covered pretzel and some mini Mrs Field's cookies.  

Slept until 12:30pm today.  

On some silly diet -- cleansing your system in one week -- and today is fruit day.  As much fruit as you would like (except for bananas).  Melons are noted to really help you lose weight and if you eat only them today your weight loss will be greater.

Yes, it is a crash diet -- those things that everybody says don't work because you just regain all the weight once you get off of them.

My Plan: this is just a quick start for me so I can lose some weight and then begin Weight Watchers points system next week.

I am starving.  lol

I never realized how much of my day is taken up by food and thinking about food.

Worry: Called Binder & Binder and they made it sound like I might lose my bid for SSDI since I have a part time job.  A representative is supposed to call me but my case worker there did not know when.

Anti-worry:  If I am supposed to have SSDI I will get it.  If I can work I will be able to go back to work.  That simple.  I just have to trust.

And dream about thick chocolate brownies!!