mkate's Journal

I ramble so that's an appropriate description for my 1st journal entry. I've wanted to start a journal for a long time and keep it on the computer; now I have an incentive. Two days ago, the 24th of February was the 29th anniversary of my mother's death. 29 years! I was 28 at the time, married and the mother of a 4 year old daughter who loved her grandmother more than just about anyone else. I can scarcely remember what it was like to have a mother. I can't remember the sound of her voice or what it was like to see her or call her on the phone... And now, apparently I am considered a terminal small cell lung cancer patient myself. I just found this out on Thanksgiving Day. Pretty ironic. I find that my husband and daughter refuse to acknowlege that I probably won't recover. They only want to hear that I'll HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE and fight. But I've spent the last 19 years in and out of the hospital for fusion surgeries, staph infections, an illiostomy, blockages of my intestinal tract and now this. I always fought to get well, and it was always a hard fight. But now I'm running out of fight. I can't even think of a goal. Maybe by tomorrow I'll come up with one.