Journal

it has been so long since i wrote in my journal i do not quite know where to start! life is busy as usual. like most people i know we jump from one issue to the next. my dear one, is having his surgery tomorrow. carpal tunnel repair, first on his right hand, then in 4 weeks or so they will do the left  one. little grand baybee came home last weekend for friday and saturday night. did much better, behavior wise. she is trying very hard to keep her anger under control. i think she needs help in figuring out what in her young life has created such seething anger. it is always right under her surface, just waiting for the slightest slight or irritation to spring out. it is great for the hospital to teach her coping skills for when she gets angry, but why not go deeper and try to put out some of that smoldering fire?

i am limping along. very frustrated with myself. i am allowing life to overwhelm me instead of just taking stuff in stride. plus i have lost my motivation, as well as my groove, if you will. how to get it back? must not despair...life is such a wonderful gift. i refuse to just go thru the motions. gotta find my giggle again!
 

long tyme, no write. life has been way  too busy for our household. husband is having way too many health issues. we are facing carpel tunnel surgery for him, he will be having a procedure on his bladder in october, then he faces needing knee surgery. the jury is still out on if or when he will have that.

as for the wee one. she came home for her first over night visit this friday. all in all it was a good visit..just also a very big reminder of why she is in the hospital in the first place. she did not won't to go back to the hospital. it broke our hearts to tell her she had to go back.

i will be calling the center on monday to make sure her doctor knows that we want her off of some of her meds. she seems way too drugged. it would be better, while she is in the hospital, to know how she acts without drugs.

we took her to her grandpa's golf tournament. she was welcomed by his associations members. they have missed her at their meetings. the best part of our day was when the two of us were taking cold drinks, apples and crackers to the golf teams. ZOOM we went on the golf cart! up and down the hills, hitting all the bumps and laughing all the way! we had a blast! as always, it is so very hard for her when the "fun" is over. it is like she feels that there will never be another fun moment in her life. sad.

generally life is good. as always we continue to meet the challenges sent our way, but we saved the house from foreclosure and also were able to make sure our grandbaybee remains covered by medicaid. ( such a confusing world...that of government programs). no one knew anything of why we were being told her coverage would end on 9/1. going to the governor's office was the answer. his secretary sent m ein the right direction. voila! problem solved..life is good.

must get serious about losing weight! will start addressing that issue with hubby soon. h ehas been told he is pre-diabetic so we need to move quickly to stop the progression. we both have  more than enough health issues, do not need anymore! 

well we made it thru a very hectic and heartaching week. on tues, the 29'th, i had my surgery. i am still not quite sure what all occured. dear hubby heard, a cyst had been growing for a long time, said cyst was not cancerous. upon the not cancerous, he was over joyed and stopped listening. so i am now on 2 weeks of light duty. hubby is taking very good care of me. the pain is not as bad as it was.

now as to the pain in my heart... on the 31'st i had to "put on my big girl panties" and go to check our grand daughter out of a short term stay center, then drive her over to yet another center. the last center is a long term residential behavioral health hospital. it is kinda like her last chnce to get her life on track.

she is mad about being there. has promised us the moon if we will just let her come home. promises no more thoughts of killing anyone, hurting the pets, etc.. we are having to a very strong tough love approach. none of us may go back to living the way we were living. she has some tough decisions to make. one being does she plan to continue to be a victim of her past abuse or does she plan to work out what she needs to and move forward toward a strong and secure future.

we are hopeful for her future. the center seems very good and comes very highly recommended....so off we go.