birdlady's Journal

I am not sure if I have wrote that my sixteen year old daughter is pregnant. She lives with her dad; my ex-husband. However; we are better friends now then when we were married. However, when she told me we were talking by instant message. I live in another city and niether one of us is able to call long distance. She told me by saying guess what. Before she told me; I told her. I don't know how I knew but I just did. For the week or two before she told me my friends were asking me if I were pregnant because I kept rubbing my belly as if I was. And my breasts were sore. But not the way before my cycle. So I guess I was having sympathy pains. She told me that her dad was not happy at all and wanted her to get an abortion. He wants her to continue her plans of finishing high school and going on to college to become an archetect.That has been her dream her goal since she was in Middle School. She has set up all her classes so she can excel in that field. When she told her dad that she was not going to have one and that she was going to keep her baby; he was either upset with her or giving her the silent treatment. I told her I would talk to her dad and set him straight. After she told me, she asked me if I was going to yell at her or be mad. I asked her if that would change anything. She said NO. I told her that the timing of her getting pregnant is not good and that I expect her to follow through with her education. That I will support her and help her through her pregnancy and once the baby is born. However, I will not raise her baby so she can go out and "party". In other words; to hang out. If she wants to do that, then she can expect to pay this babysitter. But if she really needs a break, or has classes; then I have no problem watching her baby. Once I talked to her dad and told him that she has to have our support whether we like the idea or not, is not up to us. She is confused, scared, excited, and has no idea of what to expect. I told him that she told me that he had wanted her to have an abortion. And I told him that at her age it could mess her body up and possibly make it where she wouldn't be able to have any more. Plus, I am totally against them and if he did make her have one; I would not forgive him and would never talk to him again. His point of view is that his baby girl is having a baby and she is to young. I agree with him. But she is being responsible and making sure she eats right. She is remembering to take her prenatal vitamin every night. She is keeping up with her classes and getting A's, B's, and maybe one C. But all but one of her classes are advanced. Her math class is actually a college course and will cost $100.oo for her final exam at the end of the year. She is only in the eleventh grade. She is working part-time on the weekends cleaning motel rooms. She is using the money she makes to buy things for the baby. She has not asked for any help in getting anything for the baby. Because I live in a differant city and have no transportation; and my husband is in a nursing home; he; my ex-husband comes up on Fridays to pick me and my 10 yr old son up so we can spend the weekend with my other two kids; and he can play with his brother and bug his sister. Then when he takes us home, we all go so my husband can see our other two kids and they can see dad (step-dad).  When I come down I will pick her up from work on Saturday and then we will go to the Goodwill Store. They normally have 50% off sales on Saturdays. She has gotten many articles of clothes,  two blankets, bibs, hats, two baby guideline books to give her information as her pregnancy moves along. We even found a nursing pillow that can wrap around the front half of her to help support the baby while she is nursing. And when she is done; she can hood back up the toys and set up the mobile. She has gotten her some clothes for now and some she liked for when she gets a bigger stomach. She has a few burp cloths and then some hand towels she picked out to use for burp cloths. And then some baby wash cloths. On a trip across town we passed a garage sale and we saw a playpen. I turned around so we could look at it. She got really excited because it was Seseame Street. That happens to be what her theme is for the baby. I asked how much for the playpen and was told $10.00. I orginally told my daughter not to get a lot of things to early and not to get any big items needed incase she would have a miscarriage. She told me not to talk like that. I told her that I was being honest and was telling her this not to scare her but to let her know what the possibilities. But when we saw the playpen and that it was Seseame Street, I told her to go ahead and get it. For that price, she couldn't pass it up. It is very sturdy and clean. The only thing wrong with it is the under siding of the plastic mat is torn. I told her that grandma would be able to fix that. She is getting into her third month and has enough baby clothes to start off with. But plenty of time to get more. She only has the basics and enough for a day or two. But I told her that she should buy a package of diapers and wipes now for a month or two when she gets her paycheck. I told her to get 3 packages of Newborn diapers and then size 1. But when she gets the diapers; make sure she tapes the sales receipt onto the package. That way if she needs to return them for a differant size, she doesn't have to search or worry about having a receipt. Then she can worry about a swing, and carseat, and more clothes. Because she is planning on having a baby shower and she will get a lot of things at that. So she doesn't want to buy so much of one thing that the baby will have so much that some of it wont get used. I told her dad he should be proud of her for the attitude she has. She made a mistake but she is being very responsible about it and she hasn't asked for our help for anything she needs. She is using her own money. She even took both her brothers to the arcade today and had some fun with them. I told him that when he was her age; this could have happened to him but he just got lucky. And the same for me when I was her age; I got lucky. She was just not lucky. God Bless Everyone who reads this. I always looked at myself as old school when raising my kids. I demand respect, but also teach you have to give respect to get respect. The same as if you give, you will get. But also when they are doing the right thing and remembering to do what they are suppost to do without being told a million times and then whining about it, they will be rewarded. Whether by verbal praise, or something out of a prize basket I have. But I also am not that old that I don't remember being a teenager. I know what they are thinking and feeling. So I do understand when they think I am so old that I couldn't have possibly ever went through what they are going through. Once again, God Bless.