Ybbil's Journal

I am terrified of the coming two weeks.  I was taking classes for the summer, but Friday was the last day of the morning class.  (I still have two evenings a week though.)  When I don't have somewhere to be in the morning though I don't get up and when I do, I meander and never get to the gym.  With unstructured time I often end up binging.  It's not that I don't have anything that needs to be done, it's just that I don't have a schedule.  What do I do?  I have tried creating a schedule for myself, but since I know that there is no reason I have to keep it, I don't.  In fact, I am less likely to, but because I want to rebel against myself of something.  F-That! 

I haven't been to the gym in 4 days now, and I know that this will become routine if I can't get myself going on Monday morning.  I have to start the week right, but I just am not sure how to do it.  Please, anyone who has been here, give some advice.  I can think of a lot of things that I would tell other people in my situation, but for me.....   I just don't think they will work well.  The one thing that sometimes works is when my Mom calls me in the morning, because I ignore the alarm clock, but somehow I hear and answer the phone.  If she talks to me long enough for me to start to wake up then I will do fine.  But I am 25 years old - I shouldn't need my Mommy to call and wake me up in the morning and I don't want to ask her to do that.  I just want to figure out how to be with myself and enjoy it.  How to balance pleasure time like reading and napping, with productive time like laundry and schoolwork.  It always seems that I never get enough of either one.