Success - now a new goal
June 28, 2009 10:54am
Well, I didn't do it in one week and I didn't do it by trying, but I have succeeded. I stopped worrying about my weight quite so much …
Progress
20 %
Ybbil
5:03pm, July 29, 2008
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About Me
Ybbil
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About Me
I am 25. I started binging in college, then I was anorexic for 3 or 4 years, now I binge almost every day. I have had over 16, 000 calories in a single day before. I put on 85 lbs in 7 months. I feel like I am losing myself. I have a great therapist and treatment team, but I am looking for help wherever I can get it.
I am 25. I started binging in college, then I was anorexic for 3 or 4 years, now I binge almost every day. I have had over 16, 000 calories in a single day before. I put on 85 lbs in 7 months. I feel like I am losing myself. I have a great therapist and treatment team, but I am looking for help wherever I can get it.
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Interests
Acting, Teaching, Singing, Literature, Learning, Running, Tennis, self-improvement
Acting, Teaching, Singing, Literature, Learning, Running, Tennis, self-improvement
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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This entry is private
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Christmas Eve
December 24, 2008 7:12pm
It's Christmas Eve. Tomorrowit will be one week since I have binged. I keep imagining myself doing it. Especially tomorrow …
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Free Time
July 27, 2008 5:01pm
I am terrified of the coming two weeks. I was taking classes for the summer, but Friday was the last day of the morning class. (I still …
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The Inspiration of Ava
July 27, 2008 4:39pm
On July 7, 2008, Ava Rebecca Wright was born after 39 and a half long hours of labor. She weighed 7 lbs and 9 oz and she was 19 inches long. I …
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Hugbook
Hug
Thanks for the hug!
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Shout Out
I hear you SO clearly. I know how hard it is to explain it to people. Hell, even when I explain it to MYSELF it sounds like something I should just be able to get over. But it's not, and I'm exploring the underlying reasons. It's hard, unflattering work--I'm having to ackowledge things about myself I don't want to, and I'm also having to try my damndest to avoid beating myself up for those things--not too easy. But sharing my frustrations on this site helps tremendously. Please write me any time you want to vent or need encouragement! I know how much it can help.
Hug
hi! nice to meet you. give me a shout when you need some support :o)
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Prayer
Hi, I think I might know how you feel. I am the same age with the same problem(s).
Hug
i saw your posting about going through withdrawl. i find splashing my face with really cold water helps. it wakes me up or something. give it a try. that and breathing. all you need to do right now, is breath.
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Eating Disorders
Type: AnorexiaMy eating disorder manifested in college. I went into treatment my senior year at UNC-Hospitals ED unit. Then, into treatment again at Renfrew in Philadelphia. Struggled without much change for about a year, then I was in a crazy car accident. I started binging and never stopped. I put on 85 lbs in 7 months and I have been at this for over a year now. I just keep thinking that today will be the beginning of my never binging again, but then I do, and it feels like the end of the world.
Treatments
- Dietitian Consult Working / Worked
- Well, I really like my nutritionist and I trust her, but I'm not sure I'm getting better.
- Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- I liked it fine when I was inpatient, but the support group in out patient made me more disordered. It made me want to try new things and wonder why I wasn't sicker.
- Lexapro Not Working
- Did not work at all. Although, my Dad said it was because I only weighed 85 lbs when I was taking it. But, regardless, it didn't work.
- Outpatient Treatment Program Not Working
- I did a week of partial after 6 weeks inpatient at UNC and started throwing away food on the second day. I'm in with a private team now and that is better.
- Overeaters Anonymous (OA) Not Working
- I only went twice, then I went inpatient. When I came out, my therapist didn't want me to do it because they have a restrictive focus. Although, I bet it would help me now.
- Prozac Not Working
- I'm still taking it in super high doses. I wasn't depressed, but it is supposed to help stop binging and cut down on obsessive thinking. I don't think it does anything, but I'm afraid to stop taking it on my own.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I love my therapist. She always inspires me because she has been where I am. She is recovered and it lets me see that it is possible.
- Renfrew Center Working / Worked
- Philadelphia. It was my last treatment center so I guess you could say it worked. I didn't do so well for a long while though. And now I'm not better, I'm just fat and binging.
- Residential Treatment Center Working / Worked
- At a certain point I think that inpatient treatment is necessary. After you get so far down the slippery-slope, climbing back up alone is too hard. Sometimes it is too hard even with help.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- The most important thing that you can have. I am not better yet, by any means, but I know my family will stand by me until I am.
Close Food Addiction
Well, I was always really into sweet foods. Even as a child. I started eating erratically when I went to college, my Dad called it binging, so I proved him wrong by stopping the binging. But in the process I became anorexic for 3 or 4 years. Over a year ago I started binging again and I haven't stopped. I gained 85 lbs in 7 months. I hate myself. My nutritionist thinks I am addicted to sugar. My parents agree and so do I but I can't seem to help it.
Open Fitness Goals
I want to be buff and strong. I want to have defined muscles. I want to not worry about my body at all. Is that realistic? I have/had/struggle with an eating disorder, but I never over exercised -- I was just a compulsive exerciser. I HAD to go to the gym every day. But I didn't have to do a lot , or to do anything very hard. it was the fact that I put in the effort. But I want to be productive at exercise now. I don't want to go to the gym for the hell of it. I want to be "fit'
Treatments
- Elliptical Trainer Working / Worked
- LOVE the elliptical. It's my favorite. I dislocated my knee in high school and it is still messed up, but I can do the elliptical.
- Hiking Working / Worked
- and camping. Great!!! We have 220 acres on the Blue Ridge Parkway and I like to stay up there. But if I want to do some more serious hiking I will usually head to the Appalachian Trail, or someplace like that.
- Kickboxing Somewhat Helpful
- Yeah, I did it a bit in college with my roommate. I don't feel like it made me in great shape, but it was fun and I was being active and at the time that was what mattered. I think I need more than that now though. Also, I have to be careful of that stupid knee.
- Running Working / Worked
- I run some, but I have to be careful of my knees. Eventually, I am going to run a half marathon. Then a full marathon. Don't care where I come it, just that I finish.
- Swimming Working / Worked
- In college, I swam for exercise. I loved it, but it is hard to find a pool that is a reasonable price now that I am on my own. Also, I am a tad bit fat to be wearing a bathing suit. Gotta loose the pudge first.
- Weight Training Working / Worked
- I like that I feel stronger, but I don't look any different
Open ADHD / ADD
I was always hyper and easily distracted as a child, but since I still made good grades, my parents didn't think it was a problem. I was diagnosed with ADD in college. It really started to be a problem, when I couldn't control it anymore. I would get distracted doing everything. Even the windshield wipers on the car would catch me while I was driving and I'd forget where I was going.
Treatments
- Adderall Working / Worked
- I take it now and love it. XR. I think I could use a higher dose but my doctor is skeptical.
- Music Considering
- Well, I like music. Listening to it, playing it, writing it, etc.... but I never thought of it as a treatment for attention deficit. How does that work?
- Strattera Not Working
- I took it in college, but it didn't change anything at all. My Dad says it is because I only weighed 85 lbs when I was on it, but I don't know. I like the Adderall though, so it is a moot point.
Open Loneliness
I live alone. I've never been in love or had a significant other. My best friends are the ones that I had in childhood and now live half-way across the country. Since I started college it seems that I can't create any meaningful relationships. The more it matters, the more I "freak out" about it and the less I am able to connect to others. I know the ED started it all, but how do i get out of this hole. My life is great from an outside perspective, but I am miserable.
Open Healthy Eating
Treatments
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- I love to run and walk and play and to feel my body growing stronger, so this is not really a treatment for me, but simply a lifestyle. But it has always been my lifestyle and I have been every size under the sun.
