Journal

busy busy busy. not enough hours in the day. my therapist says i am not supposed to stress myself out by piling too many activities in a day, but i am not exactly sure how i am supposed to do that. i have a  little baby, i work full-time, i go to therapy every week and i am going to be starting my education courses up again next week.  perhaps i should let the baby sit in dirty diapers, or just not show up for work? hmm....

i was doing really good with my journaling for therapy, but i have been getting bored with it and haven't written much this week.  oops.  i suppose that isn't good but it is SO HARD to stay on track with getting "better." it is familiar and easy for me to respond to stress the way i always have...

 my asshole parents sent me some ridiculous response letter back.  apparently saying the words "andrea we are sorry we hurt your feelings" is just asking WAY TOO MUCH.  wtf.  honestly, how am i supposed to be improving.   

i'll stab him in his face 

put a bullet in his brain

last night there was a slaughter 

tonight i'll dream again

how much i'd love to kill him

to make his blood run cold

as retribution to his daughter

for the raping of her soul

too bad for me, this dream of mine

shall never come to be

i can never kill my father

he's already murdered me

ok i sent my parents the email about a half hour ago.  we will see if they respond.  if they DO respond, now i have to worry about dealing with them.  if they DON'T respond, i guess i have to feel unloved again.  i never win with these two.

let's see if the dreams stop.  i know my therapist will be pleased with this.  i know this was the right thing to do.  but at the same time, it just feels so uncomfortable...

i guess the silver lining is that i can always send them a letter down the road and tell them to go fuck themselves if i want.  but i suppose it is best to try this approach first. 

p.s. i am now sick again for like the 80th time since the school year began.  my throat is covered in white spots.  WTF