itsmylife's Journal

                             For Scott Smith (enjoy it while you're hacking into my life again)

                                                         

Saliva - Rest In Pieces: TV Version, Closed ...

i will look with detachment                          

on signing any contract

because of you

disregard the absurdity of marriage vows

because of you

the ordering of plans

because of you

the making of schedules

because of you

but i will sing hymns of praise

for even the negative

because of you

it was then, only then,

i knew i was strong and would fight

for survival.

and if the morning light

freezes in the east again

and i am homeless

and i am helpless

and i am childless

and i am impovershed

sleeping nowhere with nobody

and i am lonely, hungry, afraid

because of the evil that is you

that is still you

and you tell me again

13 years later

"i was sick back then:"

remember this, little man,

i am never whore to the spirit.

if i disdain posers, entertainers,

liars, cheats, beaters, rapists

because of you

i have learned to doubt a God of mediocrity

i thank you for that

it was in the believing

that i found myself saved

all because of you

it is because of this

i hand you a prayer

but never the music

and the art of my existence.

nor my child, my family, my soul

you will not swallow me

 or absorb me under your skin

you will not make me dizzy

with fear or hold me hostage

because of you

the girl i once was has left the buiding

to return no more

oh bastard

how about being alone with me

now

i will see you find respect

for some damn body

then

you can write your own

"because of you" poem

excluding that

i welcome you, surrogate warrior

with your gun to make you

a small man

tiny ,really

appear larger

 just like

the side mirror

in my car

come, come and see me

i wait for you 

as i've waited for 13 years

patiently

biding my time

growing stronger, more determined

than i knew

i could be

yes, do come for a visit

for old times sake

because of you

but mostly

because of me

through the anguish, the pain, the losses

i survived it all

and now

i can finally find the words,

have the chance,

to scare YOU off. 

                                                                                   devon jan. 31 2009

                                                                      p.s. keep on hacking. more will be revealed