itsmylife

• checking in....

  August 17, 2009 1:25pm

   

   in the midst of winter i finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.

  albert camus

   

   

   

  i'm typing as fast …

• trembling before the pulse of God

  March 8, 2009 8:15pm

  i have debated sharing this God story as- after reading it- you will see. however,for those struggling with the concept of a higher power, it just …

• dressing my daughter

  March 7, 2009 11:47am

  I have solved the riddle

  of a three year old girl

  gaining enpowerment

  simply by dressing my daughter

  but now you turn away from …

• the kindness of strangers

  February 28, 2009 12:29pm

  as i've stated many a time i haven't many friends. too much pain from the too familiar past. i didn't drink back then and so i have no …

• BECAUSE OF YOU

  January 31, 2009 12:26pm

  ;    For Scott Smith (enjoy it while you're hacking into my life again)

   

   

                                                            Saliva - Rest In Pieces: TV Version, Closed ...

  i will look with detachment                          

  on signing any contract

  because of you

  disregard the absurdity of marriage vows

  because of you

  the ordering of plans

  because of you

  the making of schedules

  because of you

  but i will sing hymns of praise

  for even the negative

  because of you

  it was then, only then,

  i knew i was strong and would fight

  for survival.

   

  and if the morning light

  freezes in the east again

  and i am homeless

  and i am helpless

  and i am childless

  and i am impovershed

  sleeping nowhere with nobody

  and i am lonely, hungry, afraid

  because of the evil that is you

  that is still you

  and you tell me again

  13 years later

  "i was sick back then:"

  remember this, little man,

  i am never whore to the spirit.

   

  if i disdain posers, entertainers,

  liars, cheats, beaters, rapists

  because of you

  i have learned to doubt a God of mediocrity

  i thank you for that

  it was in the believing

  that i found myself saved

  all because of you

   

  it is because of this

  i hand you a prayer

  but never the music

  and the art of my existence.

  nor my child, my family, my soul

  you will not swallow me

   or absorb me under your skin

  you will not make me dizzy

  with fear or hold me hostage

  because of you

  the girl i once was has left the buiding

  to return no more

   

  oh bastard

  how about being alone with me

  now

  i will see you find respect

  for some damn body

  then

  you can write your own

  "because of you" poem

  excluding that

  i welcome you, surrogate warrior

  with your gun to make you

  a small man

  tiny ,really

  appear larger

   just like

  the side mirror

  in my car

   

  come, come and see me

  i wait for you 

  as i've waited for 13 years

  patiently

  biding my time

  growing stronger, more determined

  than i knew

  i could be

  yes, do come for a visit

  for old times sake

  because of you

  but mostly

  because of me

  through the anguish, the pain, the losses

  i survived it all

  and now

  i can finally find the words,

  have the chance,

  to scare YOU off. 

                                                                                     devon jan. 31 2009

                                                                        p.s. keep on hacking. more will be revealed

  …

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