Join Now
miahugsandprayers 
Its a hot day here in London the sun is shinning and its very hot,help lol.
Today I am going to see my Mum she is very sick right now,she was wieghed by the doctor who came to visit her yesterday and she is only 5 stone.Mum has had an issue with her weight for many years well as long as I can remember,we call it anorixia now back in the day it ws not even heard of.She has a bad cheat infection and also has enversymia sorry about spelling lol.She has smoked since she was 14 and tryed to give up so many times but still go,s back to it even now she can,t breath she still is lighting up a cig.I get so mad with her but mum is so stubborn and pridfull she will not hear a word that is said to her.Yesterday she collapsed and my sister was going to pull the red corn she has for emergencys and she told my sister that if she sent her to hospitail she would never talk to her again.So she just called the doctor who wanted her to go into hospitail but she would have none of it.I don,t know how is is still alive right now she has not eaten in monthes and now its got to the stage that she can,t eat.Mumwas such a good looking lady,she had so much pride in her self and its so sad to see her go like this.I think really that she wants to die,all her family have passed away and she just don,t want to be here anymore.
I have often wonderd how her passing would affect me,we have never been very close,my nan brought me up,I have always wanted that love from a mum but she was never able to show it.
I still love her and the past is forgotton but I wish it was differnt,my sister has always been very close to mum and still is,she is with her now and see,s her everyday.Now comes the guilt,because of the disabilitys I have I don,t get to see her as much,so I am going through I should make more of a effort,even though is hardly talkes to me when I do go.I know that deep down in her heart there is a wonderfull lady there,but she is so pridefull that she would never show that soft side although she has been a great nan to my childen and her great grand kids.I am just going on now.The truth of the matter is what ever happens I will ask God for the strengh to to what I have too.I had better go now as my daughter will be waiting for me.
