Journal

I am starting to feel a bit better now,the depression seems to be lifting now.

I am still so very tired but I know that its the fibro that do,s that.

God is so good,my grandaughter who has been a a mess for the last few years is now turning around.She has been through so much ,but is now believing in God for her life,putting faith into action.She was baptized very young and gave her life to the Lord,then a pastor at the church took advanteged of her in a sexuall way when she was just 12.From then on she went completley out of control and I understand why,as a person who was abused from the age of 4 and trusting the abuser.She run away from home so many times,would not go to school and ended up in a hostall for young girls.Then she started a freindship with a boy,who again abused her buy betting herall the time.I begged her to come and live with me,which she did for a while but still would not go home.Then she started going to a guy club with some girls she know and started a relationship with a few of them.Although everything seemed bad she was at least going home and haveing a better relationship with mum and dad.She has her own place no and is 19,she lives in London and now misses me coming to ashford as she stayed with me a lot,and when her sister come down everyweekend for church they both stayed.Anyway to get to the point she is now in collage and soon going to uni to be a teacher in English lit.Don,t have relationships with girls anymore which I can understand why she went that way,no trust in men at all apart from dad who is a wonderfull dad to her.Anyway got lost again,trust God thats all I have to say now.LOL.

Started taking the new meds on friday and I am starting to feel a bit of a lift now.

Although the depression is still there its not so bad,at least I am coping with it better.Went shopping today and started to get the grandkids stuff,only 2 but its a start.I am looking forward to decorating the house in all the christmas things this year,there is so much lovley things to buy you can spend a fortune .I am not one for decorating at christmas but the house is so big I know that it will look wonderfull when done.

Not been staying at my daughters as much been home all this week,she keeps telling me that I should not go home untill I feel better,but it has to be done or I will never get used to being here.Its funny but being alone at my old house never botherd me at all,in fact I loved the peace when everyone left.Now I feel so much more lonley and yet my daughter is just around the corner now.I know its just being silly.

I would like to thank my freinds here for helping me at a very dark time,that you gave me the time and answerd with such incorragment.Thank you all.

Well its time for me to say goodnight and don,t let the bed bugs bit lol.God Bless. 

I am coming to the end of trying to cope with this Fibro.

I have just got up and I am so depressed,I can,t hide behind it anymore.

I know that coming off the Citalapram is making things worse as I have nothing to relieve me of the symptoms of Fibro but right now I can,t take it.

I phoned the doctor yesterday and the one I saw has left,so I have to go back again on Friday to get new meds and they don,t have a clue about Fibro.So I have no meds and feel like the world has come down before me.

I have got into dept with rent and stuff becouse I have not rememberd to pay it,its in the bank but I have not rememberd it,now I have to get my daughter to take control opf all my bills and remind me of what I have to do.I am sick to death of not having my own life,of losing conrol of my life I have nothing of me left.The Mission worker that helped peaple has gone,the prayer worrior that helped to keep the church in prayer has gone,the person who had everything in control has gone and I have been left with a shell,that don,t go out alone,that spends all my time relying on other peaple to go out,who has just heard that a young boy in Peckham has been shot and killed and I can,t do nothing to helpWho am I right now?

What am I here for?

What life do I have?

I want control of my life back.