lonely weekends
April 20, 2008 9:16am
ok- so another weekend has come and ...it is on weekends that i am lonliest. during the week there is work and running but the weekend downtime seems …
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kittencho
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About Me
kittencho
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About Me
Born to cold/alcoholic parents, I was chosen as the whipping post. Yadda, yadda...belts, hair pulling, hangers, very strict and abusive. I married at 22 to a 35 year old- now i see it was the escape you take when you have been offered no self esteem to move out alone. The good news... I had two great children with him. But, unfortunately he was cold both emotionally and physically. He even took a job to reflect this and traveled most of the time. When it became apparent that he was traveling longer and to different places then work required I asked him to leave. I raised my kids, maintained a home and a great career on my own. I dated but never got the kids involved or even let them know until 4 years ago when I met a man. At first he was great and we had such similar interests. We made a great pair. It was the first man I introduced my kids to. They liked him as well. But 3 years later when traveling between 2 houses didnt make sense and I mentioned moving in together. That was when it started to break down... I found out that he was on a website to find local woman who wanted sex without commitment; then I found a condom and call girl's number in his pocket. His response was to deny, say it was a joke and then to commit- he asked me to move in and get "engaged" (the engagement was without a date and basically for my kids sake). I got a ring, moved in and then things went weird. I saw things I didnt realize before- how heavily he was drinking, how he surrounded himself with drunks, went to bars everyday and even worse how he started to become abusive physically and verbally while he was drunk. Around this time I was diagnosed with breast cancer.I had 2 separate surgeries. He sat in the waiting room, but a week after my second surgery he pushed me up against a wall and held me there while i had drains in me from the surgery and screamed in my face while drunk. Then a few weeks later there was an incident where he got drunk at a restaurant and pulled a prank while drunk that involved police. The next eve I asked him to talk to his psych about it and to maybe chill with the hard liquor a little. I told him to think about it and that I was going to my house and to call when he had. When I called him a week later to find out what was going on he said that we were done and that I should find someone more my type. After living with him for 6 months he didnt even help me move out my things- he actually said he didnt want to be there that day.(to avoid work? or conflict? emotion?) Within 2 weeks he was dating a new woman- from everything that all say she is a bar gal, bleached platinum falling off stools avoiding dwis - i guess he had her on the back burner 'casue she came in mighty fast! During the time of our breakup I started radiation therapy because my cancer was the invasive type. I went everyday for treatment for almost 7 weeks. He never looked back over his shoulder. I gained 10 Lbs during the treatments. I met a few men since all of this but ...nothing to speak of. I am sad and I guess it will take awhile to mourn.
Born to cold/alcoholic parents, I was chosen as the whipping post. Yadda, yadda...belts, hair pulling, hangers, very strict and abusive. I married at 22 to a 35 year old- now i see it was the escape you take when you have been offered no self esteem to move out alone. The good news... I had two great children with him. But, unfortunately he was cold both emotionally and physically. He even took a job to reflect this and traveled most of the time. When it became apparent that he was traveling longer
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Interests
kindness, light , love and nature. i love spending time with my family and friends. i enjoy painting, gardening, cooking for fun , entertaining , hiking and visiting museums, travel is fun because it opens our spirit to new knowledge and interests and i have enjoyed travel throughout the us and the world. i read a lot- newspapers, books and love to take photos and scrapbook.
kindness, light , love and nature. i love spending time with my family and friends. i enjoy painting,
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Journal
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Journal Entry for April 10, 2008
April 10, 2008 10:16pm
had a hard time today... off from work- which should be fun but it makes me very lonely and sad with too much time on my hands. it was great weather …
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I’m With You
We can beat this!
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I read your post and your profile. I hope you are feeling better. What a devastating thing to deal with on top of being sick! I'd do everything possible to get him out of your life! Change phone #'s, email address..everything he has and is using to contact you. You need to concentrate on your healing and recovery. Not some asshole who will break your heart. You deserve a GOOD man..not a cheater!! There is a good reason for that old saying...If they cheat with you,they'll cheat on you!! HUGS for your recovery!
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BIG HUGS !!! I hope that you are doing ok... philip~
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BIG HUGS !!!!!!
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Breakups & Divorce
i grew up in an abusive family; married a much older man (now i realize that was an escape); divorced; raised children and maintained a house on my own; 4 years ago i started dating a man who had 2 major flaws- fear of commitment & alcohol. We got engaged, i moved in; i found out that i had breast cancer; i had 2 surgeries. He and I broke up as a result of all of the above, particularly because he became abusive when drunk. He had a new gal in a few weeks.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- Forgiveness Too Soon to Tell
- Leave Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Time Too Soon to Tell
Close Infidelity
...almost got sucked into an affair
Treatments
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- kindness always rules in the end
- Leave Working / Worked
- said no and bye
Open Uterine Cancer
after a yr on breast cancer meds through ultrasound they are finding thickening of my uterus.
Open Breast Cancer
Stage: I (T1 N0)partial mast x2 ; stage 1 est+ , rads 7 weeks; tamoxifen-one year into surviving
Treatments
- Mastectomy Working / Worked
