lostone84's Journal

I don't journal on here much anymore at all really but I need to get it all out. First is work. I am a basketcase mainly because on monday (when I was really really really hungover) my boss told a bunch of us that there is too much gossiping going on. she also seemed offended as if she felt like someone was betraying her almost...now I know it wasn't me. However, who knows...I worry like crazy and I don't know for sure who it is so now what? If I don't know then I can't be sure that I am not in trouble. So wish me luck and that I keep my job. Second is my issues with drinking and the like (drugs). I have been through rehab and such. I was doing well. I got stressed with relationship problems (boyfriend) along with issues with friends.  One being that my best friend is in love with me and will not stop pushing it. It is driving me nuts but my bad for not telling him that I am taken. I don't want to upset him so I am pretty much leading separate lives which is getting exhausting. The stress broke me down and I started doing the things that I used to. Third is anorexia. She is back in my life and trying to salvage what sanity I have left. Now I know it is an addiction and I have gotten really bad before and did go through inpatient. I slowly started reducing my intake without even noticing. Then I started counting again and got back on the scale. I love it when people make comments about how thin I am. how I act like I just am this wonderfully skinny without effort. For them to be jealous. I exercise several times a day and always manage to be too busy for breakfast, not hungry at lunch, and work too late for dinner. I snack throughout and drink lots of water. So that is it. This is where I am now.