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lostone84 
10:38pm, August 25, 2009
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I dont know why i am so worried. i am though. i hate it. i hate that i care so much. i hate that i let people get to me. i hate that i worry all the time about things i have no control over. i worry that my boss doesnt like me. that this one girl hates me. i dont know what to do. i worry everyone is watching me and waiting to find anything to get me in trouble with. what do i do? i am trapped in an environment where i am always on guard.i hate it. why cant we all get along and let things go?? In the rest of my life, my supposed friends have pretty much abandoned me. After having several days where i am at my limit, i get a text from one of them asking how i am doing. now, over the past week, I have been very emotional and freaking out a lot. They just say calm down...you will be fine. they don't care enough to check on me, to ask me out to get my mind off things, and then have the audacity to be mad at me for not being there for things I did not know about because they didnt tell me. Then tell me that they were worried!!! They didnt seem worried. sometimes i feel like I am the only person that cares or does anything. I still can't figure out how to relax...without the aid of alcohol or other things. I have been sober officially for 2 weeks but i have not once relaxed.Which probably has something to do with my recent breakdowns.
Comments
I have found a new therapist and have gone to once session. I think it will help me with a lot of my issues. I also went to the psychiatrist and nutritionist. I need to get a handle on the anorexia before I can't do anything. I am very thankful for the support given here for me. I always felt I had been ignored here but thank you to those that have given me support lately. It motivated me to go out there and find help. I do not want to have the problems like I used to. The flashbacks have been so bad that I drink and focus on anorexia to not think about the rapes. I hope therapy can help.
Comments
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Im glad you had a good 1st experience with your therapist, it always seems to go better when you feel good about that person, I've had a good 1 for many many yrs., and shes the best and actually look at her as a friend now:)
Good for you!!!!!!!Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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