angelofthedarknite's Journal

I wish all these visions and thoughts would just f*** right off, I'm sick of fighting them, I'm sick of cutting (which I haven't done for a week), I'm sick of going to OPG, I'm sick of work, I'm sick of f****n everything. The visions r sooo intense and nothing gets rid of them except cutting. They r a piece of skin, wether that being my arm, foot, leg, or what ever and it's like a movie, an action picture thing, I can see my hand making that cut, with the cold silver blade, sometimes they r small shallow fast cuts, but other times they r long deep slow cut and I can only cut in 1 place, against my bed, AND THEY R HONESTLY DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!!!!! I'm obsessed over cutting, and they r so damn hard to fight. Today, I said to myself enoughs enough and I went to see da Dr and I have been put back on my happy pills (Citalopram) and shes going to send a email or something to my therapist who I go back to see next Monda. At group today I did a Psychodrama about all the counsellors therapists teachers who have been on my side for the last 10 years since I've been in the mental health system and then theres my mother who doesn't give 2 flying f***s what the f*** happens to me and it brought up alot and I feel absolutely horrible, I was happy when I woke up this morning and now at 4:30pm I feel like shit. To make matters worse, I have haemorroids and am very clogged up, so I'm not doing that well, emotionally/mentally and physically, I could have taken today off work but I said no, I need to work. Which reminds me, gotta go. 

Chrissie