angelofthedarknite's Journal

Haven't written in here for a while, not doing the best emotionally, I just feel like I'm slipping back into old habits, SI habits, picking n scratching n biting, and I'm scared I'm going to not be able to fight my urges to cut and give in... when the going gets tough I give in, I feel like I'm not getting anywhere in my life, I'm in a job that I'm getting really bored with. I had a conversation with my friend on Wednesday night and she said give up group therapy and your job and get a fulltime job, but I don't think I'm ready to step into the real world and she can't understand that. URGH, f*** I just wanna scream and let it all out right now, but I'm at the library!!!!!!!!

1 of the girls at group has been contemplating suicide and has been put back up int he ward for the weekend and even though I don't get along with her, I'm worried about her coz me being me and my straight up talking I said stuff to her about what I thought about her behaviours and what I said to her is impacting on me. URGH what the hell am I meant to do!!!!!!!

I tried to concur my fears of butterflies and spiders by going into the tropical rainforrest exhibition at the museum yesterday and I freaked out everytime a butterfly came near me, I really wanted to go and see the taranchula (sp?) but I coulkdn't coz of my fear of the butterflies landing on me, I was really disappointed in myself, and really wanted to cut coz thats how disappointed I felt but I didn't, I don't know how much more of these strong urges I can handle.

On another note, I'm going back to college and completing my studies next semester so thats something to look forward to... nah f*** it not really.