angel52's Journal

To all of my true friends,

I have not been around too much lately,and I miss my messages and support from my friends.

Thanksgiven was really nice I enjoyed cooking and being with my family. Now Christmas is approaching-alot of work,but I Love the holidays. Hoping the new year will be better than this past year,it was like I was living in a private hell. I have some goals,one is making my life more at peace. Life is too short. I need to get past some of the hurt and disapointment of last year,it will take some work on my part. I only hope that the person I am with will appreciate what he has in his life-some have alot less. In January I am having major Spine surgery-I am feeling very anxious-this surgery is a spinal fusion-I tried some many other treatments and nothing has worked. I will be in the hospital for 5 days-this is the part i am not comfortable with,I know it is silly. I have this feeling like there is something missing in my life-God only knows what it is. I have a good job,a nice home-that is paid off ( Yah no landlord ) two great nad beautiful girls who are my life and my health problems in which will get better, so why do I feel somewhat empty. is it because my BF is emontionally unavaible to me. I know he has some issues-not entirely a bad person-he has done alot for me-but that is what you do in a relationshp,I would do the same for him and I do. Is it so horrible to ask of him to be part of his emontions and his life. He tells other how he feels about them-others he does not really know. I guess I should know by now-that his cyber family at times mean more,and I can not change this. They seem to come first at times. I feel he does have some past and present secrets, I will never know.All I know is that next year will be a year of discloser-no more secrets,at least i hope so. Sorry to ramble. A change is long over due. I hope all of my friends are doing well,and I pray for all of you. Thank You for being there.