Work has been too much today. As …
Work has been too much today. As it is every day. Does anyone else ever wonder when the bad days will ever end!
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claire831 
well on thursday evening i was having a lay down. when i could have sweared that i heard my hubby talking on the phone and telling someone he loves them.
this was not true i can out all guns going my eyes were black jet black ever part of them, scary i know, we had a huge fight biggest we have ever had i think. he was so so close to walking out the house and never to return.
how and why he stopped i dont know even know i broke his heart, i seem to mead it then break it into smaller pieces.
when i was having a go i could see me with my hands aroung his throat hurting him, hitting him, sreaming at him, i wanted to hurt him, no thats not right it felt like there were voices in my head telling me to hurt him, wanting me to see him hurt. how on earth do i tell my hubby that i had thoughts that i want to hurt him that bad it is just so sick beyond words.
we talked i did ring my crisis line they talked to me helped calm me down. i told them i was hearing voices but not that i wanted to hurt steve, how can i do that. i just said i heard voices in my head telling me he was seeing someone. she talked to me then told me that the voices were my anxietythats all. she said she was leaving amessage for the day team to contact ppl and blah but as usual i didnt hear anything and no i didnt ring them either.
the voices are now at the stage that i want to hurt everyone but especailly me. steve had his back to me before like last night i wanted to grab something heavy but i couldnt wouldnt do that well i wouldnt. my brother and his girlfriend caled in toi ours today i couldnt even turn around to look at them. if i seen them i could feel the pressure rising up inside of me like a boiling pot them i have to calm down. (thank god for kelly ) without my mate i greadto think what state i would be in today she has talked to me calm down but i feel so gulity for putting all this pressure onto her. THANK YOU KEL YOUR THE BEST MATE.
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It is important to remember that no matter what voices tell you to do YOU are always in control. YOU can tell the voices NO, you can tell them to BACK OFF and to leave you alone! Thoughts are not actions. You can think about hurting someone and NEVER act on it so having the thought does not make you a bad person. It is the people that have the thoughts of harming others and then act on them that are wrong. There was I time when I was living at home with my mother (I was 19) and she was driving me up a freaking wall with her non-stop bitching. I honestly felt like picking up an ashtry and hitting her over the head with it. I would NEVER hurt my mom, but I can tell you on that day I felkt like I wanted to. I moved out shortly after and I love my mom, I just can't live in her house everyday. Stay true to who you are, do NOT let the voices in your head become who you are. Your husband is not having an affair or he would not stay with you. Why would he? Most men would just simply leave. He is with you...he is not with anyone else. Shut the voices out. Talk to your doctor. There IS help for you if you really want it.
jsforeman
I think jsforeman said it all and very well so the only thing I can say is to say yes I think you should talk to your Dr. so he can help you get rid of these voices.
I know you love each other dearly and you need to hold onto that.
Hugs!
evelena
it will get better soon babe. well done for taking first step, love you. and no need to say thanks, you done so much of me, love you
xxx
07kelz