claire831's Journal

I have cancelled my dr's appointment for friday made something silly up but really its because im scared stiff and getting worse yes i know thats when i need the dr but i cant go out not out there not yet. i have councelloring on monday i have cancelled two one cos i had another appointment but i could have made it this week i had a bad clod with chest infection. monday coming round fast.

on monday my hubby was out which as for panic attacks not to bad ,but because my dr has spoken to him about me. she asked him to hide all my meds in the house only leave out the painkillers i will need while he is out.

well thats what he did, unfortantly monday was my fentanyl patch day and i went about 3 hours without it. the withdrawal was horrible the sweats pains sickness shakes. i can really see why and how ppl with drug addiction feel when they have withdrawal. before i suppose i used to judge ppl who used drugs. im notsaying that drug use is right but when they have no help or money to know when there next fix will come, i can understand why there bodies need a fix.

i have contact with that prat all this week he;s been down in our house sorting things out. i hate it my nerves are on a knife edgy.today when he came him hubby was on the phone so i was with him alone in te rom hubby next door, i know that what he was talking about he couldnt carry it on while he was here but i never thought that he would leave me alone with him. especially that that prat was the one who woke us up early this morning i had been asleep for about 2hours so so deep and relaxed. its been a while since that happened even if was short but getting to the point he rang us first thing. so while have asleep hearing his voice freaked me out big time, i was 6 yrs old again straight away. then the reat of the day i was down hubby was convinced it was him. eve though i had explained i think something is going on i dont know yet but i will.