MadcapLaughs's Journal

I know that as they say, "Time heals all wounds". However, it seems that some pains either take much longer or maybe the whole time heals wounds is a lie? Which ever I don't care, I just would like for some negative feelings to be left at the curb and I wish I didn't have to contend with the ups and downs that are my life. (As I am sure that many here feel the same?)

Anyways, I have learned many things over the last year and a half, and I don't know if I like all of the lessons that I have learned? Sometimes I think the Hospital isn't such a bad place because at least when I was there, I had hope? On the outside it sems at times there is no hope, there is no one looking over my shoulder and making sure I am functioning? It just seems that I float about and if I feel good, then I am good, and when I feel bad....Well we all know the story!

I have tried dating and I have learned that it does me no good! The other person always wants more then I have to give, and no matter how much they say they understand, they still don't!!! And to be honest I am getting tired of explaining why all the time? Partially because I really do not know why? I just know what I am at certian times. So on top of a life of mixed emotions and misery, I get to drop all of my emotional existence for the idea or hope of a relationship with anyone. This life as a BP just keeps getting better and better! It is almost as if I am doomed to just sit and wait for my day?