Journal

The other day, Wednesday I believe? The other day I noticed that I only had one Cymbalta left and knew I had to go to the Pharmacy for a re-fill. So I took Thursday's on Thursday and kind of forgot about Friday's? I knew I had to go get it filled, but it was one of those days when I really just wanted to crawl into a corner and hide from the world. Saturday comes around and I force myself out of bed and it turns out that my Ins wasn't going to pay for it for some reason? And of course there was no way to contact the Ins company on a Saturday! So I thought, "What the hell, I can make it till Monday.....!" Saturday night around 6 pm I started rapid cycling, and I wasn't doing well at all!!!

So i went back to the pharmacy only to find out the pills were $160.00 so I just paid for them as I knew if I didn't I wouldn't get this whole thing taken care of untill Monday or Tuesday, and this would mean much more bad stuff for me......

Lesson learned.....Don't screw around with your "Happy Pills", even though they may seem like they don't do much, sometimes they do more then you could have ever thought!!!

I am sure that there are other times when it wouldn't have bothered me, but for some reason, this weekend was a bit ruff, and I am sure that this is why it was as bad as it was....

The Velvet Underground have, are, and likely always will be one of the best bands that have ever been?

And if you disagree, that is okay, that just means like so many other things out there in our lives, you just haven't listened to them at the right time, now that you just were not ready for them!!!

All this other stuff call Music today, is just the stuff that someone's garbage can because they couldn't write like Lou Reed or JJ Cale........................ 

I know that as they say, "Time heals all wounds". However, it seems that some pains either take much longer or maybe the whole time heals wounds is a lie? Which ever I don't care, I just would like for some negative feelings to be left at the curb and I wish I didn't have to contend with the ups and downs that are my life. (As I am sure that many here feel the same?)

Anyways, I have learned many things over the last year and a half, and I don't know if I like all of the lessons that I have learned? Sometimes I think the Hospital isn't such a bad place because at least when I was there, I had hope? On the outside it sems at times there is no hope, there is no one looking over my shoulder and making sure I am functioning? It just seems that I float about and if I feel good, then I am good, and when I feel bad....Well we all know the story!

I have tried dating and I have learned that it does me no good! The other person always wants more then I have to give, and no matter how much they say they understand, they still don't!!! And to be honest I am getting tired of explaining why all the time? Partially because I really do not know why? I just know what I am at certian times. So on top of a life of mixed emotions and misery, I get to drop all of my emotional existence for the idea or hope of a relationship with anyone. This life as a BP just keeps getting better and better! It is almost as if I am doomed to just sit and wait for my day?