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tiareflower 
7:24pm, November 1, 2009
I stayed at my best friend's house for four days in a row. We had a big talk. Mainly because she was really worried about me. I told her about how I got assaulted at the bus stop about 3-4 months ago. Since then I haven't been the same.
She reckons I have really bad anxiety. And she asked me how much I was really eating everyday and I said depending, it would be at most 600-800 calories per day. Some days, I admitted, I would not eat anything. And I also said I became really anxious if I ate in front of anyone or if I miss out on my daily walk.
I didn't however tell her about my throwing up.
She told me in full gory detail of her experiences when she had bulimia. And I remembered how sick she was.
And everything she said makes terrible sense to me.
She gave me a psychologist's number... So the onus is on me. I admitted to mum of my anxiety and she agrees. Problem is I can't afford a psychologist... I'm waiting on a healthcare card first so I can.
But im petrified.
And I realise now that I have a very serious problem. It's hard to admit... But I have an eating disorder...
I never really realised that i had an issue until my best friend and sister pointed out my issues. How did I let this happen to myself? When did it happen?
I don't know how to really deal with this. I'm scared to admit it to anyone. Or even to tell a doctor. They'll just laugh at me. I don't look like I have an eating disorder at all. In fact im still overweight.
I've stopped purging for a week now. But I still struggle to eat everything. and its a battle to not throw everything up.
This anxiety doesn't help either. And with my depression it makes it hard to just stand up and go do things...
I'm praying for some sort of strength to get me through and sort things out...
Comments
Dont be scared, you know the first thing is that you are aware, do what you need to do, im sure the doctors wont laugh at you. you know you can get through this, you have a great friend there, who cares so much about you. so please dont be afraid, this is the first step, im always here for you.
ShazzerInc