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Idahomom 
8:49pm, September 29, 2009
Good morning my dear sweet friends. Well this morning getting out of the shower it hit me... one of those awha moments. I am scared, not of BEING FAT, but, of GETTING FAT!
I have not real effects (yet) of being Obese. It has had not health effects on me, ok, my knees hurt once in a while. I have a very active life, I do what I want to do. For the most part I am Fat and Happy. I know that this will catch up with me and I will suffer for this.
About 7 years ago I joined weight watchers, I was at my highest weight of 207. I lost 50 pounds over the next 9 months or so. I was down to 157!!! I was feeling great about my body...yes still over weight by the BMI. I kept it off for 6 months!!! Then I got pregnant. Gained some back, I changed careers to a stay at home mom, and packed on the weight. I am 199 right now.
So here is the part that I am scared of losing the weight only to GAIN it back. That is such a FAILURE!!! I hate to FAIL. I may say it is a lack of motivation, no self contol, or what ever... NO it is plain old FEAR. I don't want to GET FAT AGAIN! I need to conquer this fear and get back on that horse. Pull up my big girl panties and WOMAN up.
I know that being a healthy weight will only make my life better, I know that in the long run I will be healthier. I have the tools, skills , and support. So even if I am scared I will lose this weight FOR ME!!!!
5 things I am thankful for
1) clearity ( I can see clearly the obsical in my way)
2) My family!!!
3) You and all my other support system.
4) God's wonderful Grace (undeserved LOVE)
5) Health
May God bless you all today!
Love Ya Loads
Tonya
Comments
I hardly know what to say. your beating yourself up and just try and find the time to go back to weight watchers. I know its hard but you just have to find a new way of eating .. I have watched my cousin on ds under misredking and she has fought and lost 100 gained it back and more and now she just gave it up and said I am going to be fat. their is only my love, support, prayers for you to find a way that best suits you. love gail
gghcgail
I've been there...both the lost weight/gain back (I lost after my daughter was born...then got huge again when I was getting my Master's...no freshman 15 there...more like the M.Ed. 85!). But anyway...I've waxed ambivalent over losing weight -- have to get all new clothes (and I have in the past year -- twice), am used to being fat and happy, no health concerns either...but now that I am moving toward a healthy weight, I've decided that it IS worth it. Am I only my weight? Nope. Will I end up some amazingly gorgeous movie star type, have the perfect life, be a new person if I make it to my own definition of "skinny". NOPE!! But I am doing it for me. I know how I regained the weight before -- mindlessness about food. I refuse to eat without thinking about it again... Hang in there, dearie. There's not a magic number, and weight is only one attribute...but health is important. Take care of you. HUGS!!
frogerina
My health was my motivation to lose weight and I hope it continues to motivate me to keep it off. I realized that I may be left alone to take care of myself and I need to be the best I can be! I know I can not control everything BUT this I can control and I will! And you can control it also...you are a strong person!
JoyceMarilyn
It has to be a reason that motivates you and works for you. For some people, that reason is being around longer for their children. For others, it's to be able to sleep better, feel better, have more energy. I loved JoyceM's reason and it has begun to be one of my many reasons as well - to have quality of life as you get older. Vitality in your 70's, 80's and 90's. Not just someone looking after you in an old folk's home. I'm 38, and it's time to get my health in order so that I am not wrecking my body until it's too late to fix. You will find your motivation - just don't stop looking for it. And remember to love WHO you are at every step of the way. You are a wonderful person. Weight and waist measurement and "actual age" are important for longevity with vitality. Cheers to our health!
gettingbacktoLaura
Great insight, my friend! I think its about giving up control. I am a self-proclaimed
control freak. Giving things to God to help me with is the hardest thing I have to
do. Give the fear to Him. It's not easy. In fact, it's bloody painful sometimes. You are NEVER a failure to Him. I had a friend tell me once when I started a new job, "There is nothing you can do here, that we can fix if you mess up" Same holds true for God. We are all messups, good think God can fix us by grace.
claire604
Um I meant can't in that previous statement. LOL! Love ya girl!
claire604
So many of us with the same problem. I lost 120 pounds on WW and swore I would never gain it back, but I have gained back 50 pounds and am feeling completely out of control and crazy. I know I have health issues that are weight related, and I really want to live a long life, but I feel helpless to do anything about it and really really STUPID because I have spent so many years of my life and so many minutes of my days thinking about, obsessing over food.....whether it's how much I eat when I'm dieting or how much I eat when I'm not. No answers here, but prayers in abundance. You are such a special, wonderful upbeat person that I hope you don't focus too much on this one issue. Being active is probably even more important than losing weight. I am a slug when it comes to exercise so don't follow my example...my advice maybe, but never my example.
womanontheverge
I am right there with you girlfriend. Let us hold each other up and help each other through this fear. Love you.
violeti
I could have written that journal entry. I know exactly what you mean. This weight loss is all relative. I would love to be starting off at 207 lbs, instead of the 232 lbs. I have been healthy too, but recently have become more of a 'hydracondriact'. I am imagining all kinds of ailments.... My knees and back hurt too. But now I'm concerned about cholestral, diabeties, and high blood pressure. I hate the fat around my waist; I pinch it often. I'm afraid too -- but remember God does not give us a spirit of fear. We must resist the devil. Let's Keep praying for help.
Itlady