April 20, 2009 1:59pm
I managed to get out of bed this morning and get to work in spite of a bad panic attack yesterday late in the evening and a really poor night. …
May 16, 2008 2:13pm
During the latest session with my therapist, I discovered I am developing a sense of boundaries. I have never felt entitled to boundaries but through …
May 16, 2008 2:07pm
I went to spinning class (studio cycling) for the first time ever today. I was really scared in advance, but I made it through all 55 minutes …
May 5, 2008 1:37pm
Today is a great day -- the first in a long time. I feel strong and sound -- like the sunshine outside is also within me. It's been dark and …
April 12, 2008 9:10am
After two weeks off, I'm back at the gym.
Invested in new shoes and they really make a difference :)
Hi its lyndis, I hope your ACOA meetings are still bringing you strength and support,thinking of you ! x
good for you on focusing on you !
I am a adult child of alcoholics, I know about the blackmail and the schemes. I even buy into them once and awhile, that is why i am here. Isn't this site wonderful. They need to have a support group specifically for adult children. I am here for you if you need to talk. Is it okay if I add you as a friend? take care
Hi Fran, It's been a while. I had a quick read of your latest diary extracts - your sounding really positive and I'm really pleased things are going well for you. Lots of love Nikki x
thinking of you...
Progress
70 %
I was raped at a party while I was drunk and passed out. My friends (who had watched without raising alarm) told me the next morning. This happened 21 years ago. I was 16, had no close friends and my parents were alcoholics who had enough with their own problems. I had no-one to turn to and repressed the whole thing. Only recently did I start to remember. Remembering the assault and the repressed feelings is miraculous: It lets me see myself without the shame and guilt the rapist planted in me.
When I was a teenager I was ill a lot, in college I called it 'tired' and was immobilized for weeks at a time. It wasn't until I was 30 and experienced burn-out, that I discovered my problems were related to depression and anxiety. At the basis of my problems lies being a rape victim and growing up with parents who were alcoholics.
Both my parents were alcoholics (and still are as seniors). They had higher education (a teacher and a psychologist), they had good salaries and kept a perfect facade. No-one knew what my sister and I had to go through -- mood changes and emotional blackmail, secresy and shame -- in addition to the fear that they would get drunk once more, do something stupid, scare us or just neglect us. We were always clean and well fed and always afraid.
After growing up with both parents being alcoholics, and being raped as a teenager, I have suffered from anxiety and anxiety related problems for years.
This is all new to me. I'm an adult child of alcoholics and know my chances for being a codependent are good :) I've read a bit and want to learn more.
I was raped at 16, but repressed the whole thing for more than 20 years. Now it's resurfaced with full strength along with PTSD. I was also bullied for years and grew up in a family of alcoholics and I believe this has contributed to the PTSD.
