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tats69 
Feeling a low today. Haven't been sleeping restfully for some time now. Being on disability is a blessing and a curse. I want to work, I get angry when my family says I can't right now...feels like an anchor around my neck weighing me down. I wake up and have anxiety over not knowing what to do. I live in a small town, kinda limited. And of course money is always an issue. I know I'm not functioning to great right now and it's hard for me to come up with a bunch of "plans". I called the christian ministries to volunteer and their number is no longer in service....wtf?? I've gotta find me again....I've always been a doer. When something had to be done I would go and go until it was finished. I don't feel that rigor these days. I know I've got to find me again. Gotta have faith that it will happen when it's meant to happen. The light will return again and I'll be able to collect my thoughts and remember some of the things I need to find so that I can smile like I used to, that "everything is possible" outlook on life that i lived by. I get a glimmer of it every so often..and I try as hard as I can to hold onto it.....it slips away leaving me wondering just what in the hell kind of morbid game is being played with my existence. Fuck bipolar.
