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Ladyfuzz7 
Still working hard to get the house ready for sale. Of course, I'm doing 95% of the work. I just can't wait till I don't ever think someone might/should be helping me do anything. Then it won't be so damn frustrating when I have to do it alone. STBX came by Sunday to "help". He did a couple hours of work and he actually cooked dinner. We had a few beers and then started talking. He had a list of things he wanted to say (or his counselor wanted him to say). Well, go ahead....
I listened and nodded and told him I appreciated what he had shared. It was all the usualy self-centered stuff. Like his point about he doesn't like the TV on all the time. I told him when I met him that I was abused for years and I am not all that comfortable in a "quiet" house. I spend too much time trying to figure out what the sounds mean. At least with a TV or radio on, I don't have to think. It's not like I sit and watch soap operas and eat bon-bons all day. It is just background noise. You would think just once he could just respect my feelings on any topic. But to him they are just wrong and that's that!
The other thing he seemed to be driving home is that he is lonely. I kept asking how that could be when he so badly wanted to be rid of me so he could go out and be social and be with friends, etc. etc. What happened to all the "women" he was emailing for sex? What happened to all the escort services? Where are the 100 virgins that were supposed to appear when he took off his wedding ring? My God it's only been about 3 weeks since he moved out and he's already lonely???? **sheesh** Well, I asked for advice on DS and they are all right. He doesn't like being with himself....or actually, he doesn't LIKE himself. And he doesn't like being with me. Poor Bastard. I hope his counselor can help him figure it out. As much as I feel for him and could easily run back in to try to prop up his self-esteem, I won't do it. He would just use me. He never says anything about changing his hurtful ways (I guess that's not a thing he's addressing with the counselor).
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Yesterday and today I have been helping the STBX move his stuff out of the house. I've brought boxes home from work and helped him pack I have been agreeable and cheery...I guess that's a small price to pay for getting the things I want out of this. I just wish the divorce was final and then I wouldn't feel like a meat cleaver is dangling over my head. And I wouldn't have to be so agreeable and sweet! Meanwhile, he's not treating me with any respect or care...it's still all about him. I'm sure he takes a certain pride in having me by my short hairs doing this little dance. This time next year I can't wait to see who's come out on top of this....My money is on ME!!!! LOL!
Well, Tuesday our entire lab got a raise in pay. A couple of months ago this would have been cause for celebration for me and the hubby. I have my evaluation next month so I will be getting another raise then. It would have helped make our dream home more secure. Now, the money will be just for me.... it really hurt me. I came home and told him and gave him a huge piece of my mind. I guess I've just been holding everything in. I know the stress is making me sick. He didn't say much or show much emotion. Well, what did I expect? It's just so hard to work towards a dream and then come up with another dream....
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Congrats on the unexpected raise! Let all your frustrations out girl...it is like poison to your body holding it in. Perhaps that is part of why you can't seem to loose weight, you are repressing your anger. It is difficult to have your dream squeleched, but you will get through this. Start concentrating on healing YOU and leave him to his poison.
Past Entries
| March 2008 |
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Saturday, 3/08
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How can address his hurtful ways if he won't admit to himself or anyone else that is the way he is? I would agree with everyone else, he hates being alone with himself, because he doesn't like himself much either. He did you a favor really at least for now until he addresses his true issues. You sound accepting of your situation...that's great! More power to you.
aguyandadog