Journal

At long last, i have changed my face on DS, i've got my OK face back rather than frowny faces. Why? I'm still in awful pain, but in the last week or two i have realised i have friends that will help me, and give me moral support.

As well as all the lovely messages i've of support i've received on DS, I've reached out to a couple of friends who are now helping me enormously, this was difficult for me to do because they are people who see me as being so 'together' and strong. They are people who I always got on well with when i worked with them (at different places and times of life, and they don't know each other), and i only see them once in a blue moon, but I was getting so down because family weren't helping me, and friends who i (used to) see and socialise with (regularly) were not helping me or even taking me seriously when i told them how poorly i was.

Even a guy who's been doing some renovation work for me has been really calm and patient with me, when i know i've messed him about by being really disorganised and changing my mind about stuff i want doing. I don't know this guy personally that well, but he's a friend of my dad's (goes to the same club), so i'm sure my dad must have had a quiet chat with him and bought him a few pints and asked him to take a patience pill with me or something, even though i've felt like my dad's been a bit irate and impatient with me lately, i think he's quite worried actually. Unfortunately, my dad's disabled so i understand he can't help me as much as i know he'd like to, and i think this frustrates him too. It works both ways, i can't help him as much as i'd like to either.

Another lovely family, who i've known for 25 years, but haven't visited nearly as often as i should, have also been so nice to me. They're Pakistani British, and the lady calls me her '4th daughter' cos she's known me since i was a teenager, and i went to same school as her older daughters, and she insists on feeding me when i go to visit, i love her food, she keeps trying to show me how to cook her curries and chapatis, and i really want to learn how, but i just can't ever remember how to do it. Last Xmas Eve her hubby popped round to see me, and i was quite upset because xmas isn't really a happy time for me, and i hadn't planned to spend xmas day with anyone. Well he went home, and 10 mins later his wife phoned me and said 'You're coming here for your dinner', i said 'oh i don't know', she said 'i wasn't asking you, i'm telling you' lol, so i went and had a really lovely day with their family, she had cooked a traditional english xmas dinner, she only cooks english food a few times a year, but everything was cooked to perfection, and while i would have been more than happy to be eating their traditional food and just spending some time with them, it was really lovely (but at the same time very sad) that i felt like they had more Xmas spirit in their (muslim) home than i have ever felt in my own (christian) family.

So, i'm sitting here contemplating what the meaning of a friend is, and am so appreciative of these few people around me at the moment, and the many on this site, who are showing me what a true friend is.  

You know what, just by writing this, i'm even going to put a smiley face on at least for today, because just doing this has made me feel so much happier . i recommend to everyone to write a nice positive journal entry to make you feel better xoxo