terh's Journal

Well I have had some tough things to consider.  Just talked to my pdoc about a recent situation with my boyfriend and she feels that I am getting strong enough to do what I have to do.  Kinda leaning towards leaving.  I have realized that he is very controlling and possesive and has major trust issues.  None of which I can do anything about, they are his and not mine and nor are they due to anything I have done.  I am going to seek out an alanon group for more support.  I am going to try to find a 2nd job, try to skim bills somehow, save as much as I can, just in case, and make alternative plans, also just in case.  I need only non-influential people for support and help, so am limited as to who I can talk to about this.  I also know that even if the worst happens that I will survive because I have been here before, homelessness is never pleasant but sometimes necessary.  This time I have a lot more going for me than I did the first time so that is a positive.  I am not still drinking and I have a job, two very big things on my side.  I didn't realize until talking to my pdoc how strong and clear things really are.  What I have to do is rise above my fears and confront several very touchy issues and be able to stand my ground emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I know I can do it, seems to be a reoccuring thing in my life, not everyday, but every so often.  I hope to someday be able to put a stop to this cycle.  It feels good to get this off my chest.  I will first try to write a letter to him explaining myself and what I need and see what happens.  I am having trouble writing this but will conquer this.