exoticize's Journal

It was a little baby chicken, maybe one of the ones from the hens and roosters we had to sell, because my dogs are bred to hunt...

Anyway, I could tell that it was dead before the dogs got to it, chased them off, and picked it up and brought it inside.  I put this cute little chick inside a basket, and put all my fluffly socks in there, and positioned it so it looked like it was just sleeping peacefully.

Then fell apart.

My Sheena, the little girl dog I had for 5 1/2 years died a year ago last February.  This last anniversary was really tough.  And still no one was there for me.  And just last week I saw my Oma in her casket sleeping peacefully.

Sheena got hit by a car Feb. 15th, right after Valentine's Day and a major fight between me and Todd.  She would always run after those fights.  I came home later that night, when I was still half-functional and had attended a meeting that Todd had got the 1st, very 1st!!!!, person to come out of interest.  It meant $8,000 to me if he were to join, which I needed desparately even back then.

Well, Todd took off too drink, and I pulled myself together and made a show at the meeting on behalf of the person we invited.  I can't remember what was said during those 2 hours, but smiled at the right times.

Then told the guy why Todd didn't show up.  He asked me if I was alright and I admitted I wasn't.  I was scared that Todd would be back at home, drunk and ready to be abusive.  This guy (can't remember his name) drove me home, and that's when I saw the GATE LEFT OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh no, I thought, and knew that we had chanced fate one too many times.  I think I knew then that this time Sheena wasn't coming back.  I should've kicked Todd out the very first time he kicked in my door and scared me and Sheena so badly, that she ran.  But of course she always came back or someone would call, saying they found her or saw her, etc.

We drove around, and went down the last way that she ran off to, which the guy didn't believe she could run that far.  Sheena was a runner, and a feisty fighter.

Anyway, he dropped me off, and I sat on the couch with all the phones on me to just sit and wait.  I jumped up everytime I heard a dog bark, or a noise out front, thinking that was her.

I finally fell asleep around 5:30 in the morning, and woke up to the 2nd phone call at 6am.  The first was from the guy who found her, but I guess I didn't hear it.  The second one I heard, and my Mom's voice was on the other end, saying, "Elizabeth!!!!!!!!  I don't know how to tell you this.....  blahblahblahblah"  She kept talking, and I vaguely heard something about Sheena lying in a parking lot.  I FREAKED and screamed and threw the phone.  Then I thought about laying in the parking lot, and that just MIGHT mean she's still ALIVE and that she JUST MIGHT HAVE a chance!!!!!!

Todd came running out, tears in his eyes, because he knew.  He once got mad and sulked because he finally realized how much Sheena meant to me, and that he would never be 1st.

Anyway, I ran to pick up the phone I threw and reassembled it to call my Mom back, who told me the guy had already called me.  So as I was tearing out the door, hanging up on my Mom, and looking for the previous number,  Todd took the keys out of my hand and actually did the right thing for once.  He drove, and I got the location, which I could not understand or believe.  I live on Airport and 54th, and he kept saying Airport and 53rd 1/2.  It didn't make sense to me at all, because that was basically my house, right?

I repeated it out loud, which Todd understood, and he drove across the street and into the parking lot.  Less than a minute.  Maybe 1/2 a minute.  I think I was still on the phone with the guy.

I don't even know if I can say the rest.  But Sheena was lying there, sure enough, with a black shirt over her body.  She had been long dead and was stiff.  I screamed again, and the guy who found her kept telling me that it really was her and really could be.  He knew how it felt, because his cat of 15 or 16 years just died last week, and this was very real and I had to accept it. 

Anyway, I can't even finish the rest right now, but I want to thank you so much for sharing your story."

Eliza

ps. I will update the rest of the story.  I need a nap now.

:[] :|  (don't know how to feel.....numb again)