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goofy1 
I was so angry and manic yesterday. I have worked out for the last two days. I am happy about that. I have been contemplating hospitilization because I am having thoughts of how to do myself in. I just feel so tired of feeling bad. Last night I had a dream that I had taken the gun that is in the house. It belongs to my mother's husband. I have thought about cutting on myself too. I haven't thought about that in a long time. I have recurring nightmares about being nude or half dressed. It's awful. I feel so vulnerable and exposed. I have these type of dreams a lot. Last night someone gave me a shirt that did not fit. It wouldn't go over my head. Frustrating. On the bright side I have a new personal training client that is coming over today. I am very nervous. It has been awhile since I have trained. But I do much better emotionally when I am of service or doing something. When I am by myself, i just spin out of control. I pace and argue with myself. Or I take extra meds to put myself to sleep. Not good because when it comes time to get a refill, it will be too soon for my insurance to cover it. I am so resistant to trying lithium. I don't know why. I feel awful but I keep thinking if there is something to do to keep myself busy, I will feel better. When I was helping my friend work in her restaurant I felt good. A lot of it was because I was making money. And because I was helping her. She has a difficult time finding good help.
Comments
Dreams surely are difficult, confusing, and not everything in them is brought to pass for mankind. For fleeting dreams have two gates: one is fashioned of horn and one of ivory. Those which pass through the one of sawn ivory are deceptive, bringing tidings which come to nought, but those which issue from the one of polished horn bring true results when a mortal sees them......You must give some time to your fellow men. Even if it's a little thing, do something for others - something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it.
Eyes....who else
Eyestwo22
Please don't think that way. As an "SA" surivivor the aftermath just isn't worth it, but I understand the pain you are in to feel that way. It's a horrible place to be. I hope you can start feeling better soon!
tryin2getbetter
Hope and pray you make it. Hugs
Kazmin
Sweetheart ~ You're so kind and caring to everyone and have such a huge heart. Try to focus on how much we would miss you and how devastating it would be for others. Sincerely hope your pain eases and the thoughts quiet and give you peace. It is difficult, but try to get out in nature, it is healing. Get rid of the gun and by all means, if you keep having those thoughts and cut yourself, go get help! YOU are WORTH IT and you WILL win this battle. BELIEVE, even when it is not rational and good things WILL happen ... Cling to your friends here on DS ... and hold dear the love and hugs they give you ... they are FOR YOU and FROM OUR HEARTS! Hope knowing this helps you heal.
heartgirl