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hja 
11:46pm, April 1, 2009
It's been about a week. i would journal more, but not much happens in my life. Jeff is still being an a*hole. Love it when he's at work. When he's at home he continues to put me down and demean me in every way possible. He even called me ugly the other morning. I thought i was gonna faint. He said he didn't mean it, but he said it. That really hurt since I'm more obsessed with my appearance(ED) than the average human.
Went shopping with mom today. We had a blast. She can't stand Jeff. She says she loved to slap him one good one. That'd be funny. lol Tiffanys' party is Saturday. Kind of nervous cause I'm in charge and there's gonna be like 40 people there. But, I took charge and made phone calls and delegated. haha. Learned that from when I used to work.
I've been feeling good, when Jeff's not around. When he's around I'm very tense, anxious and shaky. My anxiety takes over big time.
Mom said to ask my uncle(her brother) if he'd rent one of his extra bedrooms to me. He lives alone. Either way, I can't take my dogs. At uncle's house I'd have my own bathroom and computer.
Started going back to church so I can at least get out of the house, plus I get to see Tiffany. I didn't invite Jeff to Tiffany's party. Afraid he'll embarrass me and ruin the party.
Thanks so much to all my DS friends who have been there and truly love and care and support me. It is so much appreciated. I don't tell you guys that often enough.
Comments
Oh Helen, I wish you had more ooportunity to get out of the house, be away from the negative behaviour. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, whether he meant it or not. I'm with your Mom on the slapping thing - let me know if she goes through with it, it sure sounds like he deserves it.
None the less, I hope you are able to enjoy your daughters party on the weekend and are able to control all 40 guests. Have a great time! xo
havenofear
I like your Mom for wanting to slap the shit out of Jeff. What an ass. I really wish you would consider moving in with your uncle. Nobody deserved to be treated like that.
40 people - ahhhhhhhhhhh! I don't know how you can handle even the idea because just reading it makes me nervous, lol. I bet Tiffany love you for it.
Karrin
hey helen
im so glad u got to write this journal and just get out some of ure feelings.
but im glad ure mom sed shed luv to slap him because he is def not helping u at all.
u should try and get out of the house even more. just get sum fresh air. itll make u feel better.
take care hunni
xoxo
em
emmamack
Love u so so much and always here for u, its good to get them feelings out and im glad it went really well with ur mum.
You will do just fine saturday i know u will u are the boss after all lol.
If u need me anytime just give me a text and i will defineatly get back to u love u very much xxx
AFC09
Hey look at all the great comments you got. They are all right. People really care allot about you Helen. I dont want anything just that your safe, and happy- you deserve it! Your such a giving person and very helpful, i really hope you help yourself this time and do what you need to do to rid yourself of all the bad things that are holding you back from being who you are...i can tell you who is the top of that list. ;)
IonaJ
Can we all get behind your mom and take turns? You are beautiful. It hurts me to see someone so insecure and controlling that they have to abuse someone in order to hide their own shortcomings. Don't fall for it, and great that he's not invited to the party. Grateful that you have your Mom to support you. I'd be so lost without my Mom. xoxo
Gabrador
It sounds like you should consider moving. You don't deverve to be treated badly. And that's good about going to church. I hope you have fun at the party. Remember that partys are supposed to be fun.
48gem
I hope you can make your escape soon if that is whats right for you in the mean time get out of the house as much as possible and enjoy the party.
KayBeth