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hja 
11:46pm, April 1, 2009
Just thought I'd stop in for a quick few words to let everyone know my life is so much better now that I've gotten out of the abusive relationship. It's so freeing. I never realized how bad it was 'til I got out of it. It was horrible and I was in such a depressive rut--AWFUL. Thanks so much to all of you for your continued support and encouragement and for not giving up on me.
I've been staying fairly busy, the weather has been very abnormally warm and sunny. I've been trying to enjoy the last bit of good weather, before rain and cold sets in. That's why I haven't been on very much. Then when Tiffany gets home from school, unless she has something to do, we generally hang out.
Rain and cold are due in this weekend and I will get my journals and hugs caught up. For now, know that I love and miss you all and thank you for your patience and being there for me and with me through this.
Caring thoughts and prayers to you all. Helen
Comments
I know some of you knew that I was in an abusive relationship. This past thursday when he had his angry, verbal outrage, I knew deep down it had to be the last straw. Called parents early Friday to see if they'd pick me up to stay the weekend.They said no problem. At first, I had no intentions of moving in, but after talking to my family, I realized I was in such a deep rut, I couldn't see how bad I was getting. So I made the decision to get out of that place and move back home.
Not sure why I was so against it at first(hindsight tells me I was too sick to see how bad off I was). I sure didn't want to leave scooby, my dog, but my parents don't allow pets in their house.
The best thing about moving home is I get to spend time with daughter everyday. It was so cool yesterday, she asked me to help her with her science project. I was shocked. She at that age, 16, where she is becoming independent somewhat, so i give her that privacy.
Mom and dad have grown alot more mellow in their older years and they don't ask hardly anything out of me. I vaccum, sweep, do dishes, ... so they won't think I'm lazy. lol
Thanks to all of you who supported me through this and for being patient with me on this move. I knew I should have done it along time ago, but I was stuck and scared.
I am feeling freedom, relief and some happiness. Little bit sad over missing scooby, but it's better than living in the hell hole I was in. I am slowly,but surely coming out of the darkness that I didn't even realize I was in.
Love always, helen
Comments
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I also am so glad you were able to get out! I really hope now you can begin to have your own life back again. I am so glad you are safe and in a place where you are loved and supported! Hugs!!
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Im so glad u got out hunnie, i know this will do u the world off good and to get ur own life back, i am always here for u through think and thin and im glad u are safe now, love u so much u are a true inspiration love and hugs xxx
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wahoooooooooooo.. you made the right choice..Im also here for you
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Im really proud of you, this is another thing on your list of recovery. Im glad you get to see Tiffany more and i wish you the very best. I am so happy your finally safe. HUGSx
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Wow - Well done Helen. Very very very important and wonderful thing you've done. I hope things stay positive for you. You should be so proud of yourself. You did something amazing x
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I hope things continue to take an upward swing for you. This is just the first step of many to come. I know how hard it is to leave a pet behind. 6 years ago, I left my kitties Rumball and Ocie behind. I still miss them at times. Perhaps as your life becomes more stable, you will be able to find a place for you and your daughter, where you will be able to have a pet.
HUGS!
Linda
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Wow, that is an absolutely amazing step to make!! You are really fighting hard. I'm sorry you had to leave the pooch behind (the dog, not your ex). The sacrifices you are making WILL pay off. Congratulations :-)
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I';m glad you got out of there. I know it's a hard step to take, I did it once but after you get out it starts to be easier.
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WTG i'm so proud of u,I knew u were in a bad place and i'm so glad u made that move.B/c u don't need that u r sweet kind loving and worth so much.U got moxy.I'm beaming right now. :)
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WTG i'm so proud of u,I knew u were in a bad place and i'm so glad u made that move.B/c u don't need that u r sweet kind loving and worth so much.U got moxy.I'm beaming right now. :)
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Oh wow! Turning a new chapter in the book of Helen. You are a woman of such courage. Please let me know if I can ever be of support. Tiffany will always need you. xoxo
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I'm so happy and proud of you. It doesn't matter that it took a while. It matters that you were brave enough to get out of the darkness. I wish you the best living with your parents and when you feel strong enough to live on your own I hope Scooby will be there.
Hey I'm 40 but when it comes to science I would ask you too with any science project. Was never my strength, hihi.
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Missing Scooby may be good drive to get your own place eventually, be an independent women, but with your daughter as well. It's always an option and anything is better than being exposed to that negativity you were.
I am so glad that you were brave enough to get out of there and so relieved that you are safe. Stay positive and know that I am thinking about you as you adjust. Way to go! xo
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I am so proud of you. I had to leave an abusive marriage. I know how hard it is to do, but you couldnt have made a better decision. Now your safe and you can work on you getting better. Im so very happy for you.
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Your news is wonderful and I wish you all the best life has to offer. I've been in a verbally abusive/alcoholic marriage for 15 years, so I can relate to how hard it is, not as easy as pack your stuff and leave like a lot of peeps say. Everyone has their different issues. You are an inspiration and Amen to your happiness. xoxoxo
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You deserve to be treated right. I am just glad you are away from him and are now living in freedom. That took a lot of courage and I am proud of you. Stand strong and don't let him manipulate you into doing what he wants. It is about you now and what you need
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GOOD NEWS! Yes, it is about time but at least you got out of there before you were dead. Great to see the strength to do the right thing finally well up inside of you. That's a big step and the best news is you're free finally. Way to go!
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i am so proud of you and i have also been there and yes the first step is the hardest but then the peace and happiness comes. i knew you would do this becuase you have more strength than you realize. don't ever blame yourself for anything that happened there and just take one step at a time and lean on us to help you through it. i love you and you are my hero!!
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I am so glad that you made a decision you will never regret! Life is too short and you can now focus on YOU being first! I feel you are a strong woman and am proud to have you as a dear friend! GOD BLESS! xoxo! Gord.
I'm trying to journal at least once a week. I'd journal more, but i don't do very much. Last weekend was a busy weekend. Threw Tiffany a sweet 16 birthday party. 40-50 people showed up, but it went well. It was tiresome doing most of the work, but I enjoyed it 'cause I like to stay busy. Went to church Sunday morning and then to my brother's bbq after church. Both events i had tomato sandwiches and fruit. So I did pretty good with my eating.
Jeff wasn't invited to either one cause of his unstable mood and attitude right now. He didn't say much. Ask why he wasn't invited, told him he didn't act like he wanted to be involved in any family outings. He's been better this week cause he's back to work
Tiffany got a bday card from her dad. Didn't say anything, but "I'll call you soon". I know it hurts her feelings, (he hasn't called since March) but she says she doesn't care and that it doesn't bother her, but I know it does.
Went to dr. today and I'm on another anti anxiety med. Now I'm on meds for depression and 2 meds for anxiety. It must work cause I've been in a really good mood lately.
That's about all for now, I want to tell all my friends how much I appreciate their love and support and kindness.
Helen
UPDATED GOALS
Journal more often.
Progress 65%
Encouragements: 8
Add your support
more active in groups
Progress 50%
Encouragements: 1
Add your supportComments
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Glad to see your in a good mood. The dad issue with Tiffany is bothering her, she might not always think it is. One day she will be ready to confront him. Sounds like allot of people to feed at the party. Glad you ate but you should eat some meats as well you need some iron and protein in your diet. Got to make sure your eatting all the right foods so you can stay healthy. I'll be spying on you!
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I'm so happy that you are doing well and have a green smiley face. What meds are you exactly taking. I take Xanax for anxiety. Klonopin worked way better for me but after 10 years I was maxed out on the dose and it wasn't helping anymore.
How awesome that you did well with the eating and had fun at the family functions. Still don't know how you handled such a huge birthday party. Tiffany better loves you forever. How awful that her Dad is not interested in her. She sounds like such a sweet girl. But thank God she has a great Mom.
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Better mood can always mean better situations as well. You seem to be dealing with Jeff better and standing up for yourself, so I'm sure that must make you feel better.
I should be thanking you for your support, love and kindness. You always go out of your way to show you care. Thanks Helen, you are really sweet. xo
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yippee for the green face!!!!!!! You sound good and that makes me happy!
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Glad you're feeling happier and have your meds sorted. It sounds like getting your meds sorted has really made a difference. It is great to hear you're getting out so much. x
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Man i need some of your drugs (JK), how sweet your daughter had a sweet 16 party, sorry her dad being a jerk it has to hurt her feeling but atleast she has u, u r very caring and loving mom.Keep up with your journaling I'm proud of u :) love u
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I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend and are feeling better. Meds can be such a pain! Keep moving in the direction you are, you're an inspiration!
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I feel sad for Tiffany. That must be devastating. She's lucky to have such a wonderful mom though. I want to hug you both. xo
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im glad the party went well! Poor Tiffany, im so sorry, it is awfull to be hurt by someone over and over again. Lots of love and well done for the journalling! i need to follow your example.
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and i appreciate your love and support!!!.
glad tiffany had a great party - any photo's??. you did so well with eating, really proud of ya!!!! xxx
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Goal Updated
HI Helen,,ya i can understand things and im just happy you are hanging out with Tiffany and see the benefits of taking that big step you took. Im happy for you. Hunkyman wanted me to let you know he got his beef jerky and last night his breathe was rank! Thanks for the stuff for kandace im sure she will appreciate it, i sent it to her with her halloween costume and explained that you gave it to me to give to her for her birthday. You didnt need to do that but thanks. I got you something but i wont post it right now, i picked it up yesturday. I start a new job monday i will be scared monday but its for the best. Hope to see you on here soon. Dont forget to enter the competition ! :)Love ya
IonaJ
That's great! Sometimes you just don't see the forest for the tress until you're out of the woods. So nice Tiffany still likes to hang out with you. I hope those days last a long time. xoxo
Gabrador
I'm so happy for you. Enjoy the weather, your freedom and your daughter.
Karrin
I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling liberated :-).
LaughMeLovely
So incredibly happy to hear that you feel some relief and are able to live your life the way you want to. I'm glad to that you are getting the chance to enjoy the last of the sunshine and spend come special time with your daughter. Keep smiling. xo
havenofear
Hi Helen, yes the weather has been warm here too, it is nice that way for sure, well my dear, sounds like all is good really and that is awesome. God Bless
symphase
hey Helen I am so very pleased you are out of that relationship and free! do u have ur dog now?
Soph827
It's so good to read this. Very happy for you x
floopy
It's getting out of that rut that takes one strong character and you did it Helen, well done!!. You're a beautiful person and deserve to lead a beautiful life without abuse xx
pixiebelle
i can understand i just got out of one my self you dont need that your a good person xoxolisa
hlep
I am glad to hear that things are going good for you and that you were able to get out of your abusive relationship. Your a good person Helen and you don't need that. I hope that all is well with you and that your enjoying things. Please take care and I hope to hear from you sometime soon.
Willingtobefree