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JEAN97 
9:00pm, June 11, 2009
Since May he has been saying I am having an affair. I AM NOT! He adds 1 plus 1 to make 10. All he does is sit and think all day long about what I am doing. He watches every move I make all day long. I am wearing my hair different, dressing too nice, wearing different perfume or having a man even come to my work so we can have sex. OMG..........I would never do that ever. He has called to check to c if I am at work. He says he calls because he misses me. But I can c through his shit. After the third time of his shit I left 4 2 days. I came home to his saying he was sorry once again. Everything was ok 4 about 3 days. We watched a movie on saturday and had a nice day. ON Sunday while we were making dinner together he looked right at me to say. I KNOW U R HAVING ANOTHER AFFAIR BUT I WOULD LIKE U TO STOP. I ALSO KNOW U HAD A AFFAIR YRS AGO WITH ***** BECAUSE U TOLD ME AT LEAST 4 TIMES. NO NO AND NO......He said that as he was making a salad 4 dinner. What do u want me to make in the salad. I said I really don't give a shit what u put in it. U just so messed up my whole week-end. I waited about 10 minutes to go back into the kitchen to talk to him. I SAID SINCE U AREN'Y GOING TO LEAVE I AM. I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS SHIT OF YOURS. U KNOW DAMN WELL I NEVER HAD A AFFAIR. I AM NOT NOW EITHER. I SAID I JUST CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. I HAVE JUST HAD IT WITH ALL OF THIS DRAMA. About 15 minutes later. He came back into the room where I was sitting. I DON'T WANT U TO LEAVE. I WON'T SAY THAT STUFF ABOUT U HAVING AN AFFAIR ANYMORE. I PROMISE. I SAID WILL I HAVE ONLY HEARD THAT SO MANY TIMES SINCE MAY. DON'T DO IT AGAIN AND I MEAN IT. HE HAS BEEN OK NOW SINCE SUNDAY. I hope the other shoe doesn't fall again. I am too old and it just doesn't stop. I want to have a nice week-end. It is time 4 all of the drama to b done with. For real...........
Comments
I am really tired of the same oldsame old. When does things ever get better? I just want things in my life to calm down for awhile. I amso over-whelmed with the same old shit. It just never ends..never. Last week it was just 1 drama after another. My daughter, who ha been sick at home 4 5 yrs now, got a head injury right be4 Easter. After 2 er visits, 2 visits to a specailist and her pcp. Nothing has changed 4 the better. So on Tuesday I took her to c the specialist again and for some more tests. Everything was ok with the tests and right now she is just starting new meds. Then on Wednedsay my husband once again took the wrong insulin before going to bed. It was about 9:30 pm right be4 I was getting ready to go to work. Well what to do? How to leave him with r sick daughter who couldn't even take care of herself? His bs the last time went to under 40. The dr said call 911 will pita wouldn't go. So I left when I thought it was safe. Also on Tuesday and Wednesday my Mom went to the er because of a terrible nose bleed. Her nose was packed and she was sent home. On Thursday husband went to his eye dr where he had his retina attached last fall. He is still seeing double. The dr doesn't know what the problem is. Could be more strrokes or being daibetic. Waiting 4 cal back. Then on Friday I was going to thee drs to get my daughter meds. My head had been hurting 4 over 1 week. I asked the nurse there to take my bp. It was 158/102. She told me to call my dr right away. Having driven there by myself and being about 35 minutes from home. I sat 4 awhile in the parking lot to c if my headache would go away. I decided to go to Med-express. BY the time I get there the pain, upset stomach, dizzy and seeing double. My bp was 168/112. They called 911 to take me to the er
.After calling my daughters to come and get me. I had many tests taken and meds via iv. I was released and have spent the next 4 days at home and in pain. I went to my pcp last night. She gave me a short course of pred plus pain meds. I was up all night with a terrible headache last night. I tried ice and heat, laying in a dark/quiet room. Having just taken a pain med I feel better 4 now.I am hoping 4 a better night. I need to get over this. Who will take care of my family? How will I ever get better with all the this shit always going on here.
Comments
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Oh dear me, Im so sorry, what a lot of problems. I worry about who will look after my family if I am ill (I havnt been well for a month now) I suppose something would be sorted out, they wouldnt just leave them would they?
I hope you have got some meds for your b/p. What have they said is matter with you, other than this. Is it migraine?
I certainly hope you feel better soon.
Hang in there, thinking of you.xxx
I would like it to stop though. I seem to b going round and round 4 yrs. now. It is time to stop. I am getting dizzy and tired. I Everyday I do the dumbest/stupidest things. How did I ever get to b this age if not 4 him. His everyday guidance, wisdom, always showing me the way to do things RIGHT. I have live with this verbal and mental abuse 4 yrs. and yrs. But u know what it is my fault 4 being so dumb. Well actually I should have been strong enough to leave along time ago. While I was much younger. Y did I take it 4 so many yrs. What a ASS I am. Now witth his health issues....but my daughter and I both have health issues and we will never get well in this house. He always saids he is sick too. But he is the 1 who starts everyday with something. Today I hung the rugs downstairs wrong, I forgot to shut off the light when I turned off the radio, I go shopping too much, i spend too much money, I didn't go the garbage the way he does, I forgot to feel up the ice cube trays...was that anything else in that 15 minutes he just bitched at me......this is almost everyday unless he is being needy( as he isn't feeling well and he needs me to either help him or do something 4 him) If only I could have been stronger yrs ago. Now what. I am just trying to live day to day. Bye 4 now journel.
Comments
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It certainly doesnt get any better does it!! I wish you could have beens stronger years ago as well, but we dont know these things then do we? I think you just hope things might better.
I hope you manage to get some time for yourself away from all this,thats what I do,I couldnt cope if I didnt.
Deep breaths and relax.
Take care, Hugs. xxx
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Good! Be assertive to him, if it's not working out, then you need to be the one that takes the reigns.
pointofthought
Sorry about all that, you can certainly do without it all. At our kind of age we need some peace and quiet, we dont need all this stress.
I just found this journal today (sorry) so I dont know what has happened since. I dont come on here as often as I used to.
Be Strong and stand up to him.
bonnytiz