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MickyQ 
11:37pm, October 31, 2009
What really is a peace of mind? Is it just words that sound good, or does it really exist. When do you know you have it? By being restless does that mean you don't have a peace of mind? Does it mean when you go right to sleep you have a peace of mind? I truly believe I may never attain a peace of mind. I believe there are people out there that don't have it. I see others so happy, and seem so content that they have achieved what I never will. I will search for it, and just maybe one day I will find it.
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Yesterday I had a depression episode at my computer. I started a shut down mode with DS. I have had this happen in the past. Yesterday I was ready to close it out. The crying was interesting. I haven't cried for years. Today I am better, and my mind is clear.
Yesterday I saw why DS is so important in my life. People here know what it feels like. They have had similiar experiences. They know about crying, and doing regretful things. They knew what I was feeling. This has passed, and I know it will be back. I had my meds upped 150mg welbutrin. Maybe it kicked in I don't know.
Let me say this, this isn't about getting an academy award or playing to an audience. This is the real deal. I have many friends who have known I was not well since I got home and saw how I was feeling. I lost a friend today because of yesterday, but gained many more. The support in DS is strong. Thank you all for giving me your love, support, and compassion.
Mike
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Mike, you have been supportive to us all. We are here for you too when you're having trouble.
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Hi Mike. DS friends are just the best for me. I hope you are feeling better when you get my note. Pain is just the pitts. (((hugs))) Patricia
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oxoxoxo Mike. Love, Sandra
Part of it is being happy with yourself, proud of what your life has meant, "doing no harm" to others. In General, I have peace of mind with myself, (except for the grief that rules what is left of my life)--but I know that I think about others more than I do about myself, and I reach out in support, compassion, and love to those who need it. I think that God is pleased with who I am (I didn't mean that in a conceited way!) You are just starting your introspective journey, Mike,..once you uncover all the layers, the good and the bad, and then deal with them,...you will have peace of mind. The prayers of your friends will help you! God Bless you, Judy
JudyWI
I agree with Judy, Mike. We have to be happy with who we are. Although, even when I am, I might have a mental restlessness that takes away that "peace of mind". In general, though, I believe I have it. It is a sense of "knowing", a sense of "accepting" who I am and what I have done in my life.
I think you have alot going on right now that makes you feel "unsettled" with yourself and your life. You will find that peace again, Mike. It is there inside of you waiting to be discovered. When we make a choice to move forward, we can't look back with regret. We have to see our experiences as they are and accept them as a way of discovering who we are. You are an amazing person with a huge heart for others. Maybe it is time to love yourself for all the reasons others do. Hugs
Shelly4
For me it's knowing that somewhere out there God is looking down on me,with a great big smile because,even if I may not be perfect,he loves me! Peace of mine comes from our Heavenly Father.when we have the love of Jesus in our hearts how can we every feel anything but a peace of mine.Just doing the right things in life!
Nannygoat1
Mike, you hit the nail on the head with this entry. Many times I have laid awake and thought the very same things. Dreading wht the new day would bring and how will I find the peace that may be there. Gets exhausting looking for it.
Ron08
I soooo relate to this Mike. I am with you buddy. oxoxo Sandra
Meekacat
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You have begun your journey of discovery. Be gentle with yourself along the way. (((hugs))) Patricia
SadTime