MaineGirl011108's Journal

Neal and I have decided to go for it!  We're heading to Maine on Monday or Tuesday.  It is a 21 hour drive according to Mapquest.  I like to speed, with the other cars, so I'm hoping it will take less time.  We will be spending our whole monthy income on this trip, so we will be returning to Illinois on about the 13th with no cash to get through to the end of the month.  I'm going to ask my cousin for a $500 loan.  I've never asked him to borrow money, so I'm kind of squirrely about it, but it's the only solution I can think of.

I can't wait to show Neal where I grew up until the age of 10.  Living on the coast is so exhilerating.  The fresh ocean air.  The ocean moderates the climate, so summers and winters will not be as intense and unbearable as they are in the Midwest.  We will be living either on or neal Mount Desert Island, which is the home of Acadia National Park.  It is a true jewel of our national park system.  It hold so many happy memories for me.  Our trips to the park are a high point in an otherwise unbearable childhood.  I am sooo excited!

I haven't heard any news on the search for Riley.  I left a message for the detective on Tuesday, but never heard from him.  I'm assuming he hasn't learned anything new, or that he took the week off for the 4th of July holiday.  My case manager from the National Center For Missing and Exploited Children was supposed to call the detective.  I haven't heard from him either.  But, Neal called the FBI last night, and they said they would assist the detective in searching for Luke and Riley.  And that the FBI would assist in returning them to Illinois once they are found.  This is a big relief for many reasons.  The additional help is, of course very welcome.  More importantly, I have several warrants for my arrest in Texas.  So if they are found there I am scared to go down there to get Riley.  The police would probably take me to jail and refuse to give Riley to Neal since he is only her stepfather.  I wish I had included Neal in the sole custody order I got from the judge, but it never occured to me.  My warrants are for bad checks and driving without insurance.  I tried to set up a payment plan, but they said I would have to turn myself in, bond myself out, and go before a judge to get a sentence of fines and restitution.  One warrant requires $500 bond and the other $1,000. bond.  Also, one of the counties that I wrote bad checks in (and committed a more serious crime) will not release warrant information over the phone.  I have to write to them to get any warrants I may have.  I may be paranoid, but I'm afraid to disclose my address in case they try to extradite me.

Lilymaid, you said in a previous journal comment that it was new to you that Luke and I had a custody battle 8 years ago.  I really shouldn't call it a custody battle, since I voluntaritly gave him custody.  I was not emotionally stable at the time, I had moved in with a new boyfriend, and I was unemployed (with no disability income.)  For these reasons, and a few others, I chose to give Luke sole custody of Riley.  Up until that time, we had joint custody and used to switch off weeks of having her in our homes.  She was only 18 months to 2 years old at the time, and I think the constant shuffling back and forth was not good for her.  Also, with the depressions and manias I was having, it was too difficult for me to have Riley as a single mother.  Giving Luke custody and surrendering so many of my rights was a hard decision, and I often regret it.  But, I must be realistic that it was the best decision at the time.

I never had a lawyer during this process, and Luke was a lawyer and hired a Texas good 'ole boy lawyer.  Who looked like Colonel Sanders of KFC fame.  LoL.  Ooh did I hate him.  I held my own as best I could, and made sure I had liberal visitation with Riley.  I got to see her every Wednesday night and every Saturday all day.  I agreed to have the visits supervised by Luke because I enjoyed them more when it was like a family setting for Riley.  And I did enjoy being with Riley more when Luke was there.  It was nice to be with someone who loved her as much as I did, and who shared in my amazement at her accomplishments and development.  We had a big falling out when he decided to move from Texas to Illinois (where our families are) and he started dating a woman that did not love Riley enough.  That is when things got real ugly.  I got violent with him and he refused to let me see Riley for months - he wouldn't even let me talk to her on the phone.  I ended up in jail about 5 times for phone harrassment.  I wouldn't stop, even when the police told me to, so they jacked it up to FELONY phone harrassment and extradited me from Texas to Illinois, where Luke was already living.  The whole mess took up about 8 months of my life. 

Then, when I was finally released from jail in Illinois, I was homeless for 6 months.  It was like a vacation for me.  I was finally out of jail, and I didn't worry about working or anything but having fun.  I learned about a whole new segment of the population.  Homeless people, drug addicts & alcoholics and social workers.  It was an intense time, and I learned alot about myself and others.  It did get old when the weather got cool.  I hooked up with the man who became my 2nd husband.  He convinced his parents to let us live in the garage.  We lived there for 2 months until I got approved for SS Disabilty.  Lawrence was a crack addict and a schizophrenic.  It was a short, passionate, and toxic relationship.  He has supposedly quit the crack and got on meds for the mental problems.  I am happy for him and grateful that he took me under his wing and loved me (idolized me, really.)  He still loves me.  He is the one I have cheated on Neal with three times.  Two before we were married and once after we were married. I am grateful to God that Neal loves me enough to forgive me.  He doesn't talk about my infidelity anymore in order to keep the peace between us.  He is an extraordinary man who is 100% committed to his love for me.  I don't deserve it, but I do cherish it.

So, that is the story of Luke's and my battle of the wills.  By the way, he did eventually break up with the woman who didn't love Riley enough.  He became so overweight, unattractive, and down and out that he hasn't pursued a relationship with anyone.  His self esteem was decimated after another failed relationship and after he had to move in with his mother.   Now that he has his SS Disabilty back pay and a new home somewhere he will probably get into another toxec relationship with another dysfunctional and desperate woman.  We'll see.  If he does, that is just more reason for a judge to enforce the custody order that gives me sole custody.

I will try to check DS from Maine.  I will drop into the library once and awhile while Neal is job hunting.  We plan to be gone Monday July 6th until Tuesday July 14th.