Got home a while ago and am ready …
Got home a while ago and am ready for this day to end. I go see one of my doctors tomorrow and it never seems soon …
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hlks 
11:26pm, October 23, 2009
I'm having a terrible day today... I feel like screaming and just bawling my eyes out until I can't even think anymore... and I'm too afraid to post anything to any of my support groups beacuse inevitably there's someone not being so supportive who makes all the other replies moot in the damage it does. So I feel more alone than ever, not even able to use this support site for support. I just suddenly burst into tears and now I'm trying hard to keep them back. Feels like just before a breakdown.. can't have one of those without insurance though!
H's in a foul mood, of course.. he has been almost every day since I started seeing my therapist again (on the 5th). Seems like work stress at the moment.
I'm tired.. I haven't had meds in over a month (other than the lamictal which I took so briefly it didn't have a chance to help) and I won't have any for another two weeks.. then i have to wait an additional two weeks for them to kick in... if they even do.
I'm tired and any hope I had left has flown out the window. After all the abuse and the cheating and the horrible shit I've had to go through my entire. fucking. life. I thought maybe a diagnosis and pills would make it better.. give me a chance to be happy... what did i get? even MORE m isery, meds that don't work, side effects, and a happy excuse for people to NOT be there for me because my feelings are no longer valid since i'm "just sick". They expect the pills to fix everything so that they don't have to bother. And that's what I deal with- people who care about me that much.
I am so tired... I can't even put into words how much i HATE life and HATE living. It's torture.
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It has been horrible here too. But I wish you and I both had doctors we could trust and were on medications that worked.
I am so sorry for all that you have and are going through! You are in my thoughts and I care.
Lain2
I have been down in the dumps too baby girl. I have been doing everything since my mom has been sick like the past month and then today my dad basically tells me that I'm lazy and worthless. I also blame him for my panic/anxiety whatever the hell this is happening to me. Just hold on is all I can say. There is a silver lining somewhere. I don't know much else to say but that I DO care and I am thinking about you and praying for you.
gaberob
hang in there. Meds often take three months to take effect and also side effects to deplete. There are good people on here it is just a matter of weeding out those with nothing good to say. take care
kiwi67
I had no idea you were feeling so down just a day before our meetup. If there is something I can do to help in the future, please let me know.
Cemetery
Em, I'm good at faking it. lol.. seriously. it's second nature to act like everything's okay.
hlks