Meladee's Journal

i have been thinking alot about stuff lately and i know i haven't wrote in this for awhile but here goes. Well today i have been thinking alot about how i feel like a walking dead person that doesn't really know who i am anymore. i have feelings but they come out all wrong and i feel like i have a hole in my heart and a mask on my face and when i let my true feelings out it isn't what anyone wants to hear and then i stuff it all back inside and i know i'm not sopossed to do that but who am i sopossed ot get better if i can't express how i feel and then i don't feel like i'm good enough for anyone or anything anymore i feel so lost right now and i think that i'm doing the right thing but then i get told by this person or that person that isn't the way i am sopossed to feel and I REALLY FEEL THIS WAY SO NOW WHAT. i just wish i could get these thoughts out of my head and start to live again i feel empty and like i'm drowning in stuff i shouldn't be. i guess that is normal for someone with only 90 days but at the same time what am i sopossed to do about it i try to talk not good enough i go to meetings and share still not good enough i journal about that doesn't help so if you have a clue what to do please let me know i will try anything at this point. i have even prayed  about it but i just don't see the relief comming anytime soon thanks meladee