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bluesun 
10:19pm Saturday
this past month has been hellish.... the cymbalta putting my colon to sleep, then having to get off the stuff and side effects.... which i'm still weaning off it. it has put my body thru hell.
and then .... now-- i gotta deal with Matthew's recent suicide thoughts and threats for a week now. he told his psychiatrist yesterday (while they held him there against his will) that I was to blame for him wanting to kill himself. he told me he just HATES life and everything about it. now every time we argue or disagree on anything it seems he threatens to commit suicide. like i have to put up with his shit and not say anything that will "agitate" him or he will kill himself. he said this is his reasoning since i'm the only reason he lives for. if you ask me, it's contradicting it's self.
God help us....
i will fill out more later. but for now i gotta go (he's comin back)
add on:
i had another deep talk with him about shit.... i wanted him to know that he can NOT use suicide as "leverage" to manilpulate the out come of the argument or to just get what he wants. he told me that that's not the case. that he's been thru such hell the past couple months and he can't take anymore shit, that includes me yelling at him. the hell that he has been thru includes things like the fight with his best friend, a week of his unemployment pay being denied, his arm pain, etc.
i told him that i understand that. BUT my body has been putting me thru shit with the medicine and then the finacial problems i've been going thru the past couple months has stressed me the hell out so i can't take HIS shit either!! i told him that his mood has been such shit lately, all he ever does is bark at me or bite my head off every time i say anything. so if he doesn't want me yelling at him, then stop biting my fuckin head off every day! i'm on freakin edge with this shit!!!
so basically we are both pulling our hair out about everything that's been happening. i told him to lay off me and i'll lay off him. it's a two way street. we'll call a truce for now untill our couples counseling beginning the 19th Oct. he agreed.
good God..... if anymore crap goes down or he threatens to kill himself again, i don't know what i'm gonna do. God be with us please.... and all those of you that pray, please pray fos us. thanks so much. i'm so run down......
Comments
Hang in there hun...... you cant be a victim to his emotions.... you standing your ground on that... is good. He has no right to use his suicidal thoughts on you.... you cannot walk on eggshells.....
I will pray for you both... that peace somehow finally comes. And that your body starts to feel better...you are in my thoughts....love and hugs.... always.
dnvrgrl
Dearest Blue,
I am praying for you both.I understand what you are dealing with.I send sacred prayers for Mind Body and Soul,for YOU and for HIM
I ask Father to seriously Hear your cries,as well as Guide Him,in his thinking,his actions and his moods,Be a little more patient,God is working for you both I know,if you need me you have my email>>Blessings love and strength>>>Shamanwolf
shamanwolf
Ohh Sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I can only imagine how things are for you. You do know that none of what is going on with Matthew is your fault, don't you??? People who talk suicide usually aren't going to do anything, and if he keeps throwing it in your face, it does sound like he's trying ot be manipulative. That is very unfair on you. You are wonderful for sticking with him through this and I'm sure he needs a lot of support. But it sounds like he need good medical support and treatment, which I hope he's getting. Stay strong ~ thinking of you. xoxo
ozfm
I understand the sucide shit excuse me but that's what it is. My ex pulled out a gun cocked it and put to his head said that if I left him that was it he would kill himself.That was 20years ago and he is now married to his third wife! I do feel the pain. I srayed with him for 4 more years glad I did too cuz other wise I wouldn'tnhave 19 year old twins today! Peg
peggel01
there was something i wanted to say but i got caught caught up in my own shit. He wasn't the only man who ever acted that way around me but it got to the point where I have said go ahead, I'll go get the gun for you and they shut up. 'm not telling you to do that! but it worked for me.
peggel01
Blue, Hang in there hon, hope things work out for you!!
klik215