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bluesun 
10:19pm Saturday
Brandy flew out Sunday night. but before we took her to the airport, we tried to show her Pearl Harbor and the sunken ship but we missed the last tour ferri by a few mins. we hung out for a bit then went to a Thai restaraunt of Matthew's and I favorite. it was soooo goood! she liked it too! lol
i was so sad to see her go... miss you already, girl! you were so FUN to hang out with! 
wednesday night i dropped Matthew off to the airport so he can fly out to Texas to visit an old friend of his that is on leave. they haven't seen each other in about 4 years. hrs leading up to me dropping him off was a bad day.... he was in pain, and i was stuck at the VA tryin to get a prescription renewed which i thought would only take an hr. but ended up being there all morning. so he was pissed about it and then on the way home we got pulled over and he got a speeding ticket. i knew i should have been driving, but he gets so stubborn. then when he got home he recieved a letter from unemployment that his last claim got denied. he was so pissed off and stressed out, i had to put up with his yelling (venting) and had to plug my ears so i didn't get a migraine. funny thing is, the night beofore, he told me that i really need to see a psych for anger issues and i need to be put on meds for it to calm me down. but he should look in the mirror... lol
yes i have a temper... and i tend to talk loud or yell when i'm mad, but i ususally have a damn good reason for it. where Matthew has mood swings out of nowhere and gets snappy out of the blue sky. anyways.... he already sees a psych and is on meds, but he thinks I NEED to do the same so that we are even. i told him that we need to go to a relationship counselor MORE THAN ANYTHING. so i called my pain psychologist and told him to refer us to one.
also told Matthew to do some heavy thinking while he is away. i love him and want things to work, he said the same. but i don't know how long i can hold on if communicating to him is made so HARD bcuz he repeats everything i say back to me (like i did it). so it's like talking to a wall (or a mirror). also told him about his immature behavior (like turning lights off on me, purposely leaving the door open while AC is running, etc) and how disrespectful he can be when he is in a bad mood. so i told him if he can't FIX that, to stay in Texas. so we'll see how this goes.i mean, i know he served 2 combat tours and that's SUPPOSED to make a man out of you... but he doesn't see any of his behavior as being immature and then points back at me.
the house has been very quiet since Brandy is gone and now Matthew gone. mom goes to her docs every day, and Sonnie is at work, and so it's just me and the cats. lol. Matthew plans to be back on Wednesday i think, but he may extend. i missed him as soon as i got back from the airport.
did i mention that i had to buy a new cell phone? the last one got sunk out in the deep blue yonder when Brandy and i went kayaking. i wasn't expecting the gusts of wind to pick up to that magnitude. it fipped us over a few times. i have bruises all over me from that! lol. but we had a blast LOL. Brandy is a world of fun! this new phone will get a bright orange floating thing i'll tie to it, and the next time i go kayaking, i'll even tie the darn thing to the kayak! that way it's attached!! i had to rest up after all that... it really took a toll on me.
anyways.... my bro is still going on and on about his new religious epiphany and lectures mom every freakin night. i'm so sick of it up to my freakin eye balls! and now he wants to start his OWN BIBLE studies AT OUR HOUSE with people from his church!!! i told mom and him NO! i can't handle crowds of people!! they can come over ONCE and that's it! no more! sheesh.... what's wrong with him? i think he has lost his freakin mind, maybe he's gone off the deep end. i'm so sick of the lecturing like he KNOWS everything! but he doesn't! my relationship w/ God is between me and God, Sonnie has no right to butt in! or tell us what he THINKS we should do!
anyways... let's just hope that this week stays quiet. i don't need anymore problems.
thanks, yall for reading my long long entry (as usual) .... i keep tryin to shorten it, but there's much on my mind that happened. thanks again for being there... God be with you all! xoxox
Comments
Hey, girl!
I totally miss you! You are such an awesome friend and I love the fact that we have so much in common! As for our kayaking adventure, I had a blast! No, the camera isn't working, but the memory card is, so, it's all good!
I'm so sorry that you are still going through so much with Matthew. You two are a good couple and I hate seeing y'all going through this. Hopefully, while he's gone, he'll really think about everything. I know you love him and he love you, so, I feel in my heart that everything will work out.
Sorry you're alone with just the kitties! I wish I were there to hang out, pig out, shop, & watch "Without a Trace." Yep, good times that definitely won't be forgotten! I'm still trying to get caught up on my sleep with the time change and all, but I've been working like crazy since I got back and I'm working all weekend too. The bad part is that I'm either having a lupus flare up or I've got cellulitis in my legs or both. My legs have been getting soooo swollen and they hurt when they're like that! Grrr! Oh, well. This too shall pass.
As for Sonnie and all the lectures and whatnot, I totally know where you're coming from and agree with you. I mean, c'mon now, it's not even just him living at the house! He needs to be mindful of everybody and that everybody has a relationship with God in their own way! Not everyone is the same.
Well, girl, I gotta run. I'm at work and need to fuss somebody out about not getting paid my vacation time....(oh, yeah, not happy about them messing with my money at all!). Take care and talk to you soon. Love ya. xoxoxo
babygirl28
Hey! You make great journals! You are a Marine with a temper? Ha! I'll never cross you! Hugs! Wally and Colleen
wallyw44
I vote for the couples counselor. But remember this: If there is a tug of war, it is over when one person drops their end of the rope. If you have to be in such stress to love somebody, maybe it is not love. IDK. My wisdom access says that if it hurts, it is not love. I know you to be a person with a brightly shining fire inside. A yang-type of personality, hot and fast! health aside, you really must have a partner that can "run with the big dogs". A ranting, raving, moody male is just that. A man is so much more. I cannot really say in words what that is, but when you find one, you will know it. Real women need real men. Accept no substitutes, Alicia. One thing else, then I will stop the rant. Always, no exceptions, tell your truth. If you are not sure what that is, take some self time to encounter that. Then, stand to it, and be true to yourself. No relationship is far preferable to a bad relationship. My experience, my truth. As to God and the Bible, well, you have to trust the Spirit to teach you about that. Willingness is the key, and nobody can force-feed anybody the God stuff. Peace, Hope, Faith and Love.
Semper Amicus, Semper Fidelis! Digger Bob
BobCJ
I love your long journals, it makes me feel like I'm keeping up with what's going on in your life, especially when I don't get here that often these days.
Sorry to hear that you and Mathew are still arguing. Hopefully he'll miss you while he's away and calm down a little, but couples counselling sounds like a good idea.
As for Sonnie.... that would drive me nuts. You're all living together, so consideration has to be made for everyone. If people don't want to participate in something in the home, then it should be done elsewhere. Religion is a really personal thing. I'm not religious, although I think I'm spiritual and believe in being considerate to others and respecting their right to believe in what they like, as long as they don't shove it down my throat. I hope Sonny will see that and stop hassling you.
ozfm
Bob makes a great point. You can't push a rope. If you LEAD and he FOLLOWS, All is well, but if he doesn't, forcing it only makes matters worse. Just like the counseling, I'm for that too, but if he's forced to go, or just goes to pacify you, it'll never be of any use to him. He has to REALLY want the relationship - enough so that he's willing to give up some of himself to keep it. You BOTH do.
A missionary (I forgot his name) once said, "He is no fool, who gives up that which he cannot keep, to gain that which he cannot lose".
Once we accept God's gift, His grace is forever with us. Yes, your relationship with God is between you & Him, just be sure you don't use that line as a crutch. Best wishes to you, hope you have a great weekend.
theGuardian
well i do read the Bible and we do hold family Bible studies already on Saturday mornings. so what's with the NEW Bible study that he has to bring home? like he's competing with me or something? especially since he wouldn't attend the last 2 we had. he got mad cuz i wouldn't let him "preach" on a day that wasn't his turn. we all take turns, so that it's fair. but he got mad about it and won't attend anymore. how's that Christian? how's that mature?
and for the relationship, we love more than we hurt. i think he just needs to do some heavy thinking is all, you know, take a step back and think. but he's been doing that already while in texas, cuz he has been calling that he misses me and wants to come back already.
it's funny cuz he was complaining about wanting to go to Texas so many times and how he hates the island. so now he's in texas and he told me that he'd rather be here with me doing our usual errands and bills n stuff than be sitting there miserable. lol. he did the same thing when he went back there for Xmas 07. in fact he came home a few days early cuz he couldn't stand it there anymore. well, he can visit all he wants lol, i have no problem with it. just that he should give some serious thought about us while there. i guess he made up his mind. he'd rather be with me and work it out than be with out me.
bluesun