bluesun's Journal

Mattew has been seeing his psychiatrist and they are putting him on welbutrin for his depression. he took an on line anger management class and he said he feels less angry now but more depressed. i was asking him last night to tell me more about his childhood and growing up, so that i would know more. he said he;s been keeping so much bottle inside from many years ago, it's why he's so depressed and angry. plus what things happened while he was in the service. i told him about how he puts his walls up and gets defensive and that i just want to learn more about him and his past, ie what he's been thru and how he dealt with things back then. so hopefully he will better open up to me. he stated that while growing up he was always rejected by his peers and made fun of for being a "half breed". that people aways called him WEIRD. i told him that not only did i go thru the same thing in both cultures i grew up in (for being a half breed), but that i LOVE his "weirdness". that if he were "nornal" he would be boring, and i wouldn't be with him. but i guess since he grew up in America ONLY, things like how those kids treated him would be hurtful. where I grew up in both contries and had exposure to MULTIPLE cultures from very young, "normal" isn't really REAL. what's normal in one culture can be very strange in another. so i just took some from here, some from there and made my own. it doesn't hurt me when poeple call me weird because somewhere else i know it would be cool. unfortunately, he didn't get to live that way, and neither have many kids in the world. so they get picked on and bullied and they actually get hurt by other kids comments. anyways.... i love my man to death. and there is nothing that weird about him. if you ask me, he's just really silly and makes me laugh so hard.

in other news....

the kittens are a hand full! LOL. Matthew plays with them all day and they love following him around and climbing all over him lmao! originally i was thinkin they would be out door cats, but Matthew wants them to remain in door. i htink Miko will be a long haired cat. he;s not gonna get very big either, just round, lol. Spike on the other hand, he's getting taller already and longer. he's gonna be long and slinky. he'll probably be a pretty good size cat once grown up.

Elaine came and left already.... she kept us BUSY. boy... . i was so darn pooped when she left, not to mention the last day she was here, i got bit by an ant. and being that i'm allergic to ants, my whole foot swelled up! i iced it on and off for days and i took benedryl orally 3-4x times a day. but basically due to that, i was bed ridden Tue-Fri mostly. Friday morning i noticed the swelling finally started to come down. thank goodness that's finally over!

well... thanks for reading my update! all my friends here are so cool!!! XOXOX

 add on: i forgot to mention.... i've been in so much pain, i'm so miserable! i barely slept at all last night and got up wondering why this morning.... DUH! it's cuz i ran out of gabapentin yesterday!! somebody please put me out of my misery!!!