Journal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icv6DgZ-9O4

miss you so much my heart still breaks

8 months on

By god ,what a few months it has been ,i have tried so hard to move on from my broken heart ,but i thought this time it was too much to recover from ,and i was right ,the pain i feel today is as painful as the day he left me ,he seems not to care at all anymore ,like our love meant nothing to him ,but i am still shattered and crushed inside as he was my one and only love i ever had ,,,i have loved before of coarse but never ever been so much in love with someone .

but i have tried to move on been hurt ,ive hurt others too in my process now i am trying to settle with a nice kind loving guy whos in my life ,but its not my baby ,i have never felt such love and devotion for another person until i met him ,i wish i could feel it for the guy im seeing now as he is very much in love with me god only knows why but he is ,,but im smiling on the outside ,but hey im crumbling on the insde ,saturday was awful i decided to do some sorting out ,i had this anger hurt and agonising pain growing inside me memories were flooding through me at a million miles per hour ,,i ended up having a pretty big panic attack ,i was left feeling exausted for the rest of the day ,,i dont know to live breath or carry on anymore ,,i still try to make contact yet get blanked all the time very sad realy i should just stop and let go ,but i dont know how ,ive never felt this strength of emoition for another human being before ,but my love is obviously just not wanted ,,life goes on ,il keep smiling pretending im happy ive spent a life time doing this im good at it ,,but inside day by day i weep and break a little more ,for the man i loved more than life its self .