Progress
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marlena45 
12:18am, April 13, 2009
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About Me
marlena45
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About Me
I am a dog walker/petsitter, 45 years old. I love animals, like to read, and I write poetry. Want to paint and write a book. I desperately want to travel. I am very solitary.
I am a dog walker/petsitter, 45 years old. I love animals, like to read, and I write poetry. Want to paint and write a book. I desperately want to travel. I am very solitary.
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Interests
Art, animals, books, good movies. Native American, Buddhist philosophies. Other cultures, especially India, Japan, Greece.
Art, animals, books, good movies. Native American, Buddhist philosophies. Other cultures, especially
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Hugbook
Miss You
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Little Love
Keep looking ahead, all you'll find behind you are your friends cheering you along .
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High Five
It was so good to hear from you today !! Glad you are doing OK. TTYL.
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Shout Out
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU !!!!
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Shout Out
Are you alive ? If you don't get online before long....I'm going to hunt you down ! Don't laugh...I am serious. I know people in Georgia.
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Anger Management
I have always had anger problems and have been in trouble with the law and lost jobs because of this. My dad was alcoholic, died 1984. I grew up feeling awkward, ugly and I was painfully shy. I made so-so grades until I stopped caring in high school. At about age 15 my looks became more appealing and boys noticed me, which created a whole new set of problems. I was always in conflict with my dad because of my rebelliousness and his drinking. I have road rage.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Not Working
- Hated it.
- Music Working / Worked
- Music has always been a refuge for me, particularly harp and violin music and ancient instruments like the psaltery, lute and lyre. Also anthing pretty much by Emmylou Harris, Enya, The Chieftains and other folk, classical and new age musicians. So yes, music helps!
Close Personality Disorders
Type: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about 12 years ago...have had instances of spontaneous, reckless behavior (some due to rage) which I always regretted but never could seem to stop the self-destructive behavior. I am ashamed to describe how I have acted out sexually in the past. I'll just say it was vastly disfunctional/abnormal/dangerous/crazy.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
- Helps for awhile, but not enough in the long run.
- Prozac Not Working
- Tried it years ago absolutely the worst possible thing I could have been given. Made me certifiably insane.
- Paxil Not Working
- Cried all the time developed severe acne bloated.
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Helping tremendously learning how to breathe properly rather than the shallow breaths I would take which led to fullfledged panic attacks. Still in the early stages but I am feeling more hopeful about this than anything Ive tried.
- Prayer Working / Worked
- I am not religious but I have been praying short prayers 5 to 10 times a day as needed. It gives me strength I pray to the God of my understanding.
Open Pet Bereavement
My sweet dog, Eva died early in January this year. The sorrow has been too much to bear, I miss her so much. It was so unexpected...I have felt lost and disconnected ever since.
