CharityHope

Close Diets & Weight Maintenance

Starting over, want to chastise myself and say again but that is self-defeating in that it has a negative spin on it. Therefore today is a day of gratitude in that there is the ability to start over. It is after lunch, not starting tomorrow but rather this moment. It will be better to stay in the moment and life one meal at time.

Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a Partner/Spouse

(Never loved before) How does one share a love story? The Lord heals the broken hearted but the breaking is sometimes so horrific you lose yourself. The night he died the Lord gave me Is.54:5 but everything else crumbled. We were not blessed with children and when a spouse meets all your needs you don't develop relationships outside of that. My lover, my husband, my co-worker and my best friend he provided unconditional love; our marriage was one of a passionate friendship. I miss him so.

Treatments

Crying Working / Worked

Yes - it is healing and no one should dictate how long or when. I gave up being self-conscious because I was holding it back and just causing myself to make it longer. Release the pain through tears. Water is cleansing. Salt water - your own little ocean balm. Spiritualize it the salt of the earth.

Getting Angry Working / Worked

It helped a little in that I was angry at him for dying on me. He told me once he had to go first because he would never make it without me. Anger is good for only a little while because you do not want it take root and become embittered. Get it off your chest and then realize okay God has something for you to do.

Grief Counseling Not Working

A disaster for me. Walked into an emergency mental health clinic and after the counselor understood what kind of marriage I had she really tired pushing drugs on me which I declined. She asked me how I could stand the pain? I told her if I did not go through the pain I would never get over the pain. (I've known widows that ten years later are still drugged) Interestingly enough the counselor kept me for five more sessions for herself. She didn't believe in God until I taught her that he is.

Helping Others Somewhat Helpful

Good for a distraction for a while but you can get so caught up in it that it becomes an unhealthy co-dependence. In beginning I was taken advantage of by people - I gave all my money and many of belongings away because I didn't care if I lived or died. Desperately lonely and afraid to be alone. You should never change anything for the first two years which I was not told and had no choice in the matter.

Keeping Busy Working / Worked

This is something that I am still in progress about and that is aiming at healthy endeavors and not self destructs.

Music Somewhat Helpful

It depends on the song and the mood of the day. Sometimes there are good cries because of a beautiful song bringing back a memorable moment.

Pets Working / Worked

Saved a cat who was given 6 mths to live - we are going on 3 years. He helped me. He sleeps with me cuddled near my head and has a soft snore.

Poetry Working / Worked

Wrote some poems and went to Borders book store where I read them at open mic night. Some man gave me a card and said he had been published and my poems were publishable and would touch hearts. Have not done it yet. My husband was the one to say go do it. Now I feel less secure without his support. Am working on them again.

Prayer Working / Worked

Lord gave me Is. 54:5. "To the widow thine maker is thy husand.." I also pray and meditate the 23 rd psalm learning about the specific meaning of each verse.

Reading Working / Worked

Absolutely from the Bible to poetry. Also beautiful classics such as, "To Kill A Mockingbird". Recently read John Grisham's novel, Testament, it helped too.

Remembering Working / Worked

This helped because my husband trained me years earlier to do what was best for me, as I was the one that would most likely be left alone first. I waited a few weeks and had a lovely service in the cabin with twelve people. Candles, flowers and photos of him (cremation). His favorite two hymns were sung - one I sung myself! Then everyone said something about him and we then had a luncheon. The flag hung from the cabin roof, service on Memorial Day. Last kiss his lips were like silk.

Scrapbooking Working / Worked

Made albums rearranging photos showing all the years together. Sometimes framed things differently.

Support from Friends & Family Not Working

Never had support from a family except my Grandfather who had passed years ago. Friends well learned how much money changes friends.

Support Groups Considering

Never went to one but I don't know if I would be comfortable in one.

Talking Working / Worked

I needed and still need to talk about my husband. We had some great times and I have some good stories. How I wish others knew him the way I did but now I live where no one ever knew him.

Time Somewhat Helpful

I will write more on this at a later time.

Walking Working / Worked

When I walk it helps lift depression and I remember how he walked and would pick a wildflower and bring it home to me. I didnt walk in the beginning because it was too painful to remember that I had not taken the last hike with him and I want to kick myself.