IonaJ's Journal

I was walking to work the other day early morning and thinking allot. I was wondering what and why i've been so drawn to MJ and what my thoughts are about him and his place in the world.

I read something someone said "he was more than an entertainer and the world doesnt realize yet to what proportion what they had lost"

I know i was feeling so uplifted and felt a strange feeling while i walked and thought about what i think was lost that day he died as i got watery eyed. I wish i could get back into the frame of mind i was in. I first walked over a bridge and looked up at the sky and sometimes i look for a sign to see if i can be reassured that he is up there looking down on all the people he made feel so much for him like he was a part of us. I got this overwhelming feeling like i knew now what it was.

What did he give to me?

He gave me inspiration to be someone better as a person. When i listened to the lyrics of his music it made me feel good, something i rarely felt at times growing up. He was positive about things and made me think of what kind of person i wanted to be. I wanted to be like him. He was so different than allot of men i knew. My father was mean and his voice would scare me to death. Michaels voice was high pitched, he was nothing to be afraid of. He was quiet, shy, caring everything i wanted. I remember dancing to his song entitled "Lady in My Life" on the Thriller album with my boyfriend who was dark skinned and had similar looks to Mj.Its a cherished memory it was innocent and brings me back to that dance everytime i hear the song. His music motivated me in the morning to go to school and face the taunts of the other kids that would tease me about my name. He was sometimes the only thing that kept me going. When i would hear the things people would say about him i would like him even more because  i felt like he needed that and i did to. His music changed my opinion on things. Im thankful he was here to help me through so many bad things in my life. Thats the thing about someone so inspiring you can turn on a cd and listen to them, feel their soul in their music, touch your heart, change your mind about life and make it through the day. He was more than a musician to me he was a saviour, he was there in my life when i felt no one was. He was a part of my life and became a part of me, or i became a part of him. When he died part of me went with him cause i loved him so much. He was a man i didnt have to fear. He gave me hope.

I cry everyday for him, and for his children. Its not obsession its genuine caring for him and appreciating what he did for me. I will always love him