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hermiane 
How do we go on? This life just sucks without him? How does God give you something so precious and you thank God everyday for thy gifts by praising his name and spreading his good word daily only to have him rip this gift from your heart. What kind of loving God could do such a thing? I wish he could just give me a fricken clue. I don't doubt theres a God and I totally believe in him. But it feels like such an injustice that he would let us suffer this way. Last night I had a ache in my stomach side and thought for a moment maybe it could be my appendix and it would rupture and maybe I could die and be with my baby. Oh how great that could be. No I am not suicidal I know it is God's will and not my will but I wish I could be with him or somehow God could bring him back to us healthy and happy. I miss him riding his bike in the back patio. I miss him having breakfast with me and his papa on the front porch on weekend mornings, I miss taking him on walks in his red wagon and just see him hanging out with his best friend (his papa) in the yard. It was the most joy any grandma could witness. I'm still crying all day long and it fricken just sucks a big fatty right now.
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sorry for your loss and the pain. I ask whys all the time and still struggle to come to terms with my loss. You are not alone in this journey. I am here with you and we have lots of wonderful mums here in DS. love Robyn
rma
I am so sorry that things are so sad for you now. I just wish I could give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. I know your beautiful baby is in heaven looking down on you , I also know he is not in pain and will never have to endure anymore hospital visits or needles, IV's , or chemo,or being scared. I hope that gives you some comfort. God is holding you, we just sometimes don't feel his touch. Go and Get MAD and pound a few pillows on the floor if you need to, that's OK. Blow kisses to heaven for him, he'll get them.. Hugs
suzieg63