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hermiane 
Well it's been awhile since I've written here. Time sure has been going by fast yet I feel like I'm at a stand still in my life. I just can't get pass the big pain in my heart. Support groups, candle light vigils, volunteering at local charity events in his honor are all great band-aids but none of them take away my pain when I'm alone missing him. I still am strong in my faith and know one day I will recieve the answer to why he left me but right now I really wish God would just give me some peace. I wake in the middle of night from hearing myself crying in grief. My husband wish I would go and talk to a professional counselor. I don't want to waste the money. I miss him so much. I don't think I'll ever get over this pain. I don't even know how I make it through each day yet I know everyday that goes by is a sad day. I appreciate all those days before he left me now because they were so many happy times. If I could only turn back the time. Those good memories are all I have now. I wish I could be the old happy, positive person I use to be and not the big, sobbing crying baby that I am now. God I pray and beg of you to please grant me serenity and peace.
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Another sad day in paradise, everyday since Dec. 13th. 2007. On Sunday, May 4th our angel celebrated his 4th birthday with Jesus. We also tried to do something special on that day to validate the occassion for him. We went to the park and had a kickball game in his honor and we sang Happy Birthday and let some balloons go to heaven in hopes he would recieve them all.
Oh how the pain in my heart seems to be getting worst. I use to cry 3 times a day and now I just cry all day long. I think I'm driving my family crazy. I want to hjold him in my arms and feel him. Why won't god just give me that. I pray so hard everyday. I hate this earth without him.
have not written in a while been so busy trying to stay busy. I been so concerned about my daughter. I think she might be going backwards right now. She quit her job and has been drinking quite a bit. She usually is not a drinker. She stays in her room which my parents have named it her CAVE most of the day.
She was attending counseling but i don't know if it's been helping.
I hope soon god will help her with the healing of her broken heart. I pray and beg him to bring someone into her life that will love her and comfort her and bring her some hope in living a good future. All she wants right now is to be with her son. he was her only sunshine. It's amazing to me how much that boy had consume all of us that we don't even know how to go on living without him physically here. It hurt so much to think that he is up in heaven without us.
It's not fair we deserve to have him. We tried opur best to take care and loved him with all of our heart. Our whole community cheered him on with his leaukemia battle. He was suppose to beat that monster.
Why did God have to take him that night. god must have made a huge mistake. Nothing has gone on in our lives since he left. Everyday is the same. Just sad days missing our baby.
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Sorry things are so bad. Hugs to you! God is holding you and your family in his arms, you just don't feel him right now. I am crying with you. Love and Prayers, Suzie
Past Entries
| February 2008 |
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Tuesday, 2/26
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Thursday, 2/21
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Wednesday, 2/13
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Monday, 2/11
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Thursday, 2/07
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Sunday, 2/03
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January 2008 |
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Tuesday, 1/29
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Tuesday, 1/22
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I also pray for peace, but I have learned that I will never be the same me.not with out my son.I also attend support groups, read every book I can get my hands on what ever I think will help with the pain but I have come to realize it is a very lonely world I live now. I pray for you to honey that God will give you some peace. Love Tammy
MissingJosh