feeling kind of sick today. I might …
feeling kind of sick today. I might make an appoiment to my dr to see if i am having a baby o not. I feel movement and …
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sadbelly 
10:16am
Hard to believe Megan is a little over 2 weeks now. She is a really good baby for the most part, but these night time feedings are tiring me out! We gave her her first real bath yesterday since her cord stump finally fell off. She actually seemed to like it pretty well. The other kids were scrambling to get a spot around her to watch as dh videotaped it all. Very sweet moment all around.
She is so beautiful and it's hard not to get caught up in how in love with her I am. There are some surprising moments when I am struck by the weight of the babies I lost before her though... how odd it is to know that if I had not lost them, I never would have had Megan. And yet, in some way, I can still feel the sadness of those losses. There are times when I think about holding little Lia's lifeless body in the delivery room... how broken and devastated I felt then and how hard it was to imagine being here happy with Megan. Somehow, my happiness with megan has brought those losses forward in my mind... I guess as I grapple to make sense of them still.
I have tried to upload photos of Megan to my profile, but for some reason I have had trouble... hopefully I will figure that out this week.
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I am so happy for you. I can only imagine how much the feeling of loving Megan so much yet dealing with your other losses must be bittersweet. Lia will always be with you and you're right if not for her you wouldn't have Megan, it sounds like you are working through the emtions and that's all you can do.
Megan (and all of your children) are very lucky to have such a loving mom!
4EVERinLOVE
I feel the same way. My journal sounds very familar to this. These past few weeks have been difficult in terms of missing my twins but I know I wouldn't have Aiden and I am so much in love with him. Enjoy Megan! I can totally picture the bath scene... how stinkin cute!
lvnikita
I don't think the past losses ever go away. As sweet as the new moments are the might have been moments can be painful. All of your past pain makes the sweet bliss and contentment of today that much more precious. Enjoy each and every moment. XO :)
Jenn1307