Anxiety
Anxiety haunts my life. My entire exsistence. Continually following me. Waiting for me to leap into its dark grasp. I …
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calyn1 
7:11am Tuesday
my bmi is at 21.9 now. but i haven't lost anything in 2 days and i am so angry! i just want it all off me now. it will come off eventually, but i am really impatient right now. i can't seem to function right anymore. i am sort of isolating i guess. but that's only because i don't want to have to eat with other people, you know? it's embarassing enough as it is. i don't need other people who are way thinner than me staring at me shove food in my mouth. i just don't need that.
and i am having a hard time getting my homework done. and i really need to finish it already. i hate having homework and just letting it sit without getting it done and over with. though it's not like i really care about it. i am just anxious about school and homework, i don't really love it. the only thing i can really love is losing weight. it's the only thing that just makes me feel good. i just want to get rid of it all: my fat triceps, thighs, stomach, neck, everything. i want it all off NOW. so you see how it is hard to think about school crap when the only thing i really want is to be thin.
and i am still pulling out my hair which is just fucking perfect. i am so afraid that i will go bald because i can't stop ripping out my hair. oh, and the sexual obsessions are getting way fucking worse. and i just want to die. not only am i obsessing over my teacher, but also now my therapist! for god's sake! can't i get a fucking moments peace from this hell? ugh, i am just so huge. i wish i could get liposuction on my triceps. that is the worst. they are so flabby and jiggly and sickening. and see, i will never be pretty, so thin is all i have now. it's the least i can achieve. if i can't be beautiful, smart, talented, and unique, then all i can do is be thin. and that is what i will do. i will do it until there is nothing left to lose...
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Wow, you weigh 112! That's really great! You are doing better than me, girl I quit Weight Watchers. I will eventually go back, but not right now.
Try not to lose the weight too fast. It's a life style change you're doing and it takes time. if you lose it too fast, your body won't have a chance to adjust and it will think you are starving yourself. if your body feels like it's starving, your metabolism slows down and you don't lose weight for a while, so go slow, my friend. Don't rush it.
Good luck to you
Love, Judy
tipperspal
You are more beautiful then any flower. and no one has the right to tell you any different. When you let the son in your life tomorrow . keep looking up and let the light flood you soul
lujean
now , now....like lujean just said, you are a very beautiful girl.... your weight isnt that much....its a perfect weight....and dont say you want it now... we all want things now, but only when god is ready he will provide....and he will provide as long as you dont rush god...and i know you love god , so you will not rush god... right ? right.. : ) dont get upset about school....I hated going to school, but god kelp me in school for a reason and now i have a degree in computer science..and still having seizures....but it took time........you have plenty of time......god knows this.....just keep your faith strong in the lord....his eyes are upon those who believe...and once again , I know you believe... : ) praying for you always..............gods love.......love ya..hx ( dont give into temptation )
danroy