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ChristinaCat85 
12:54pm Tuesday
since my last few journals have just been random surveys or poems that dont make sense to most people, and no one seems to care to talk to me right now, i figured i'd write a journal.
i'm so tired of being a 'paranoid' person. i find myself waking up and going to sleep with these thoughts that just wont leave me alone. i can take one little inch and stretch it into a mile. which means, someone can say one thing and i'll take it as something totally different and convince myself that i am right in my thinking. its very, very, annoying. i want to be one of those people who just floats through life without obsessing over things they cannot change or stop from happening.
there have been many times when i've sent myself into a panic attack by doing this to myself. i'm just so afraid of losing people or something going wrong in my life. i know that it's not healthy and its also irrational to wig out about the future of things i have no control over but i honestly cannot help it.
when you've had so many important things ripped out from under you in life, its hard not to be afraid of it happening again and having to feel that sort of pain again.
my mind is definitely my worst enemy.
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all the best
TLIG
theloveisgone
WOW. I don't know how to answer you. I can just hold you in my thoughts and pray that you will feel better and have better control at some point for yourself and your future. Have you received doctor's care or a psychiatrist's care for this? I'm sure you have. You are so young - you have to get the help you need now so that you can have a normal life and emotional security. I'm rooting for you. SUE
suecalifornia
I sympathize with you. I often have severe anxiety and work myself up into a frenzy where I am hyperventilating. I agree with the person who gave advice to just breath. And take it from someone who knows, you can help it. Often we just do not make the right choice. I know it is hard. I just worked myself into a frenzy last weekend over control and fear. But it can be conquered. My sister takes meds but I am just re-learning my thought process. I know that the fearful thoughts are lies and they are unrealistic. I just tell myself stop. I actually picture a stop sign. And then I tell myself that what I am thinking is not true. I then replace it with a positive thought. Obviously it does not always work. But as I practice, it does get easier to replace the negative thoughts with ones that are positive. I don't know if this will work for you. I am trying to tell myself that not only are my thoughts not correct, that they are unhealthy to me. Anxiety just makes my MS symptoms worse. I want to feel good. And if learning to retrain my mind will help I will try anything to keep my body healthier. I also have a strong faith. And that helps me out a lot of the time. I found that I have to also be forgiving and give myself grace for the times that I perceive I fail. That is often harder than stopping an anxiety attack. I don't know if this will help you. I will be thinking of you and say a little prayer for your peace of mind.
baywatchkelly
Christina,
It sounds like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to me, which I know well after dealing with it for 30 years. Have you ever thought you might have it, or had someone mention that you might. You might get a lot of relief from reading the OCD boards on here and even joining that group, if you feel comfortable doing that or think it would help.
I know that I have dealt many times with the whole going over and over again what someone said to me, to the point of driving myself crazy. Going to a professional and getting meds that help with OCD and anxiety really can help you get on the level with the rest of the world and make life so much more bearable. Just a thought.
Kelly, I too, have MS, I was diagnosed 8 years ago, i take Betaseron and I love it. I have also found some things to deal with my fatigue. Drop me a line sometime if you want to chat about it or anything for that matter. Hang in there, guys!
Jane
SeekingPeaceOfMind
A quiet mind is a precious gift...elusive, but very worth the gentle opening.
marymargaret
Christina, After my 29 yr. old son,Paul died April 2,2003, I began having awful anziety and panic atacks that someone else close to me would die. I was so bad I could not even go anywhere because I was afraid to miss a phone call. My wonderful husband,James verybody together and got them cell phones( and 1 for me too.) Even the grand kids who wre young at the time. I mean in grade school. James did it because he is just good, and he just loves me. I have no idea why he is so good to me or how he loves me so much. Well guess it does not help because my other son took his own life Dec 10, 2007, Steven was 38. Then 3 days after his memorial service my 34 yr. old step daughter,Karla also took her own life.(all 3 deaths were related. Each kid felt guilt ,however illogical and unfounded ,over the others death.) So here I am still fighting anziety and panic. I have been in counseling, and I am on antidepressant, and anti anziety drugs (as needed,) I do not need them all the time now. I have prayed, got help, and got understanding , and I am better now. I still struggle, but it is not bad like before. With the love of God, and my family, I have progressed and gotten much better. My prayers and love for you,Peggy
grndmudder