ChristinaCat85's Journal

when i came to this site last year, i was at one of my lowest points i can remember.

i was attempting to deal with the fact that i'll probably be in pain for the rest of my life which is pretty difficult at the age of 22  when i was once very active and hardly ever home.

i went from going out everynight to being at home for weeks on end. it was so bad, i cant recall a lot about those months because i've pushed it back so far.

i ended up meeting some amazing people and that made the year alot better but deep down, i was still so messed up, it's scary to even think of now.

theres a lot that happened last year that i never even told anyone...cause i didnt want to admit it to myself.

but somehow, the past few months, it's been like i felt something starting to be lifted off of me.

like, the REAL me as been asleep for over a year...i know that sounds weird but i cant explain it.

ive gone through some weird stuff the past 3 months..some really bad stuff..

 but ive realized recently that it was necessary to make me realize that i wasnt being who i wanted to be...or who i'm suppose to be.

i can feel the old me coming back...i havent been myself completely for more than a year and im finally feeling my old self come back out.

ive just been telling myself that i can deal with anything laid in front of me.

we always have some strength deep down that we can pull out to push through our problems and obstacles in life.

so yes, i may be in pain forever,but, no one said that life would be perfect and it has happened for a reason.

my friends finally understand what im going through...and thats a HUGELY wonderful thing.

I'm lucky to even be alive after what ive been through in my life so far, so who am i to be unhappy with the life i have now?

I have dreams and goals and i plan to do everything in my power to accomplish them.

pain or no pain

anxiety or no anxiety

depression or no depression...so on and so on.

i cant sit around and lose who i am over this...i cant lose to all of my issues. that is not me at all.

so yeah, i just thought i'd ramble about that cause happy entries are good :)

i wanna thank all of yall who have helped me over the past year and been here for me.

i sayit all the time but youre all amazing.

i dont know where i'd be without yall.